


Crawl

by Danieladelucia



Category: Jurassic Park - All Media Types, Jurassic Park Original Trilogy (Movies), Jurassic World Trilogy (Movies), jurassic - Fandom
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Dinosaurs, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time Bottoming, Gay, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danieladelucia/pseuds/Danieladelucia
Summary: "It's not a conversation you want to have now, actually, i think it's a conversation you never want to have.""Why is that?""Because, you didn't call me."Alan looked down "So why are you here?""Because I had to try."𝙊𝙧 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚:𝙄𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙨𝙖𝙧𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙜𝙖𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘼𝙡𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙮𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙚 𝙂𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙩. 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨.*English Is not my first language*
Relationships: Alan Grant/Ian Malcolm
Comments: 100
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

Tap.

One thousand eight hundred and thirty two.

Silence. Ian's eyes began to water when he blinked: he hadn't closed them in a while. The pins and needles in his arm stirred when he decided to move, so that the blood could flow freely.

Tap.

One thousand eight hundred and thirty three.

It must have been hours since Ian had started counting the drops of water that fell monotonously on his jacket at regular intervals. They kept hitting the same spot somewhere to his left, roughly every nine, sometimes ten seconds.

Tap.

One thousand eight hundred and thirty four.

This is how someone going crazy must feel. Ian felt his eyes turn watery again; he blinked. He was glad he could not see himself: if someone had offered him a mirror at the time, he would have crushed the thing first, then the person who offered it.

Tap.

One thousand eight hundred and thirty five.

He could not even think about tomorrow, he corrected bitterly today. It should have been the only thing to think about, but it wasn't, and that didn't make him feel any remorse, or guilt. His mind was mostly put out of action, but he was still functional enough to go into a state of evasive indifference.

Tap.

One thousand eight hundred and thirty six.

In that instant, when that drop hit the skin of his coat, Ian decided to be a stranger in his own life. Was fallen. Rushed down into the void, thrown away by the T-Rex. He had encountered resistance, the trees, his back had come across every damned branch of every damned tree below the fence, something had clung to his thigh as he fell, and then straight against the ground.

He had lost consciousness, his skull probably half open. He had come in and out of unconsciousness a few times before he could keep his eyes open without passing out. His leg was a mess, he wanted to pass out again before he had a chance to check on her.

He had tried to get up, two hands firmly planted on the ground, the sensation of the earth crusting under his nails, and it was there that he had felt that the fire was eating his spine. Getting up was out of the question for the time being.

After catching his breath he had felt his leg in search of the gash that he sensed would be staro, and when his fingers came across a bundle of torn muscles, which he was sure should not be so in sight, he realized he had found it.

He put his hand to his face, looking for the blood he knew he would find on his fingertips, unfortunately his vision did not help, he continued to see black spots; concussion.

He could hardly move any of his limbs, and it took an immense effort to remove the belt from the belt loops and wrap it tightly around his thigh: at least he would not have bled to death; for the moment.

Tap.

One thousand eight hundred and thirty seven.

He was still alive.

Tap.

One thousand eight hundred and thirty eight.

How much he wished he wasn't.

Tap.

Milleottocentotrentanove.

"Ian?"


	2. Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll lift you okay? And then we'll leave"
> 
> Alan didn't seem to understand. Ian wasn't going to move even a muscle, not that if he tried he could do it. He felt anger flare up in his chest.
> 
> "What the hell did you ask him to do, if the decision was already made ..." Alan had no right to choose for him.
> 
> "There was no decision to make. You and me. We are leaving here, now."

"Ian?"

A hand settled on the man's wrist slumped to the ground. It's time to go.

"Yes?"

For a split second, it was difficult to identify the face of the person who was touching him, the image above him continued to distort and multiply.  
Ian blinked a few times, barely raised his arm that was not held, then rubbed his eyes which indicated a slight improvement.

"Alan?"

Ian's voice was barely audible, but sufficient to make the other man breathe a sigh of relief, probably due to the fact that he did not have to find himself in the company of a corpse.

Ian felt two arms surround him before finding himself pressed against Alan's chest; it was hot, this was good. The other man was saying something, everything was muffled and he didn't bother trying to distinguish the words that were addressed to him. He found himself wanting to hold on to that heat a little longer, but when he no longer felt the sensation of the ground against his back, he understood what the other was trying to do, stiffened and panic began to make its way into him.

"What are you doing?"

He placed his palms against Alan's shoulders and pushed him away, forcing his body to impact the ground again. His head was spinning, the bile was pushing upward, he could feel the acid burning his throat begging him to come out, he could not turn, he could not move a muscle, he would be suffocated in his own vomit.

He looked for the other man with desperate glances as his breathing increased in intensity, his chest contracted in a spasm, and it was there that he realized he could not breathe. He could not ask for help, he desperately wanted to ask for help, his eyes filled with tears that he would not have been able to shed, and then another feeling joined the sea of emotions he was feeling: resignation.

He felt that strange heat again, which he could have lost while he was immersed in the deepest fear, if it hadn't been for the tug that forced him to turn over on his side. He could breathe.

He threw out everything in his stomach. His chest continued to contract into painful fucking spasms, the tears he could not shed were now free to flow on his cheeks. The only thing that kept him clinging to reality was that warmth that was leaning against his back in a sign of comfort.

Several minutes passed before he could regain all his senses, the heat had not moved from his back, and now he could understand that this was Alan, or at least a part of Alan, his hands.

"What happened to you?"

Ian didn't answer, he thought he was filling the words with silence, that it was enough that he didn't have to force him to force words out of his lips. He was tired, maybe he would have closed his eyes just for a while.

"Ian ..." Her body was shaken.  
"Ian, I need to know what the hell happened."

He turned his head and the first thing he could focus on was Alan's face. Then he did what seemed natural to him: he stopped to look at him. Alan had a beautiful face. He was certainly older than Ian, he wasn't the prototype of what most people liked, but he was definitely not the most. If only his face weren't so furrowed with lines of concern, bruised and dirty, Ian might have found him cute. He would have liked to impress on his mind the color of the other man's eyes, which by the way were fucking blue, but he was distracted by the streak of blood that started from the man's nose and ended on his lips, that thin line of flesh that for the the last ten hours had gone from a lateral contraction to the left, the contempt for him, to a gaping with consequent smile, the amazement and the joy he felt in seeing this place for the first time. He had had a different expression for each creature they had encountered, not that Ian had cataloged each of those little things, no, he absolutely hadn't. He was digressing. The point was that those lips were moving, he was forming letters, Ian wasn't good at lip, so he didn't know what he was saying, but he knew that Alan was talking to him.  
Had she asked him a question? Was she telling him how fucked and near he was to die? Ian didn't know, but he felt compelled to try and say something.

"I am ..." The first time he tried to speak he was seized with a strong cough, could he have had a lung collapsed? He had no idea. He tried again.

"I ..." His throat burned, he felt the taste of vomit on his tongue, he wanted water, but where would he have to take damned ... ah, the rain. As he could have forgotten the rain, it had been several damned hours watching it fall, that damned drop had come trasformed in a real storm; No, it was raining too much to be a normal storm, there was something wrong, but now it was not his main concern to remember what. He opened his mouth and felt the water fall straight into it, and when it was enough to swallow it he did it, his throat thanked him. He looked Alan in the eye, and it almost seemed like he was worried about him. He tried to speak again.

"The t-rex ..."  
"The t-rex?"  
"He threw me off the fence ..."  
"IS?"

Ian gave him a warning look, and he seemed to understand how much he wanted to plug that mouth.

"I think ..." He shook his head "I know, to have a gash in the thigh ..." he opened his eyes, maybe he had lost too much blood, maybe there was no hope for him "my back hurts ... "If it had been broken, Alan would have done better to leave it there, waiting for his end to come near" I ... "What did he mean? Ah, right, the head, right "I ... I think ..." he had to calm down "I think I have a cerebral emotion."

Alan seemed to have died suddenly, his eyes were wide, his pupils trembled slightly, his eyebrows arched, and his lips tightened in a sort of pensive state. Then his eyes were suddenly on Ian's.

"I'll get out of here."

It was Ian's turn to raise his eyebrows, he tried to smile before remembering that half his body was aching, and this gave him a nail that pushed him into a temple.

"Did you hear ..." Alan interrupted him, superimposing his words on Ian's.  
"I heard perfectly, you say you have a brain concussion, and a broken back, but you ..." she stopped, pointing a finger at him "you don't know. Besides the evident state of your leg, you don't know."

It was true. Ian didn't know if his back was really shattered, and if he had a brain concussion, although he was quite sure of the second, but why try and make things worse? Then Alan spoke again.

"Is it okay if I touch you?"

Ian shook his head. He didn't want to hurt himself, he didn't want to try to get up just to find out he couldn't do it. He wanted to stay right where he was. Maybe not near his vomit, but there, nearby.

"I'll lift you okay? And then we'll leave"

Alan didn't seem to understand. Ian wasn't going to move even a muscle, not that if he tried he could do it. He felt anger flare up in his chest.

"What the hell did you ask him to do, if the decision was already made ..." Alan had no right to choose for him.

"There was no decision to make. You and me. We are leaving here, now."

He did not have time to explode into a furious argument, which would have been a stammering on his part, as Alan wrapped his arms around him again, squeezed him to himself before pressing on his legs and lifting them both. Ian shouted. He felt torn, as if every little part of his body had been pulled from two opposite sides and pierced with many small pins. The tears began to flow again on his cheeks, while Alan moved them so as to have one of Ian's arms around his shoulders, which he promptly held with one of his, while the other arm meandered around the injured man's waist until it tightened there in a vice.

Ian felt pathetic, continued to whine, sob and hiss whenever Alan made a movement that forced him to move his body. He was taller than Alan, and he didn't understand how this could have worked. The pain didn't stop. He felt vibrations not coming from his body, and so he understood that Alan was saying something to him.

"I don't think your back is broken ..."

The pain didn't allow him to speak, he felt as if someone had just injected him with a powerful anesthetic. He could not control his limbs, he felt light, as if suddenly he had a high fever that antibiotics could not solve, his head began to bend in strange angles depending on the inclinations that their bodies assumed. Water flowed over both their bodies, as if it were ready to crush them against the ground. God how much he missed being on the ground, where he was not forced to try in some way to support his weight, where everything hurt him less, where he didn't have to think about anything, where Alan's fingers weren't digging his cheeks so as to keep their eyes connected.

"Can you hear me? Ian you have to stay awake, you can't pass out, I can't do it alone. Can't you pass out understood? Ian? Ian ..."

Ironically, Ian passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Hope you have enjoyed this chapter, let me know what do u think about It. See you sono.


	3. Compass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you expect me to understand what your sentence might mean or ..."  
> "If you weren't sneaking ..."  
> Alan rolled his eyes.

Alan could say without feeling any need to blink or look away, how much he loved the silence, the lack of people that came from it and their voices. Damn, he chose his job, in addition to his unquestionable passion, for not having to be forced to integrate into a vast social context.

He hated Ian from the first time the man stepped on the helicopter and sat down as if he possessed the damned vehicle, he hated his voice, an uninterrupted annoyance, the man did nothing but strut, and when he began to explain his "chaos theory" Alan had already stopped trying to stop the waves of contempt he was sending; how easy it is that a simple event can break your every belief.

Silence. All Alan could sense around him was silence. He could no longer feel the water beating on his body, on the vegetation, on the ground, then slipped into a complicated plot and gathered in a single mass, he could no longer feel the gusts of wind, nor his body shiver because of the frost, his teeth rattle; the only thing he could feel was an anxiety bubble that had rested on his upper chest.

He warned her since the t-rex had approached the cars deciding that they would be a good meal, he felt it along with a paralyzing fear when he tried to drag one of the children out of the car. God kids ...  
He felt it as he repeatedly called the name of Ian, who suddenly had unloaded all his weight against him, he felt it while shaking his face, while with the same hand he tried in vain to find a heartbeat at the base of the other's neck man. His hands were shaking, which was why he couldn't feel the familiar sensation of a throbbing against his fingers, he told himself trying to convince himself. He felt it crawl in his throat as he tried to make his way through the frayed fabric of his shirt, he felt it when the palm of his hand met the icy skin. He held his breath, praying that he would find life still in Ian's body.

One second, two seconds, three se...  
"Thanks God..."

He didn't know why he said it, he didn't believe there was an entity that had actually listened to his prayers, but he had felt a beat, under the palm of his hand, against his skin, and he had had to thank someone for keeping Ian I live.

Did he already say how much he hated Ian? Well, maybe he didn't hate him entirely, it was more like a nuisance, a really nice and irritating nuisance. He certainly didn't want the man to die on him.

He allowed himself a few moments to breathe and try to think, think about what? To invoke curses against those who had decided that Lan Malcolm should be so tall, so lousely tall and heavy that he almost dragged Alan with him towards the ground.

They had to move, it was certain, they had been out of action for too long, and it was not as if they were still in that stupid car that gave him an equally stupid sense of security. He could not drag Ian around to the structure, hoping not to be devoured and that along the way the man would not die, he did not even have the faintest idea of which direction to take, or where the structure was.

"Damn..."

He took a step hoping not to overthrow them both, one single step and Ian's feet that were still planted on the ground slipped away forcing Alan to squeeze the other stronger man to keep him from falling.

"Fuck you, huh?"

Alan continued to move them, step by step. God, had the ground always been so slippery? He couldn't see anything, the rain made everything so blurry, and it was so dark, when the sun had gone down he didn't even know. This was another topic to be addressed in his mind, without the sun the pitfalls increased considerably, just to make it clear, by pitfalls he meant the carnivores that could have been nearby, not that during the day they were not a problem, but at least he would have had his sight.

He kept hearing small hisses whose origin he could not locate, a branch broke under the weight of his foot, and this triggered him making him almost lose his balance. He had to stay calm he told himself trying to convince himself.

"Alan ..." his whispered name and the warm breath that accompanied him stuck against his cheek made him jump and lose his grip on Ian's suddenly conscious body, which he instantly cursed himself at the sight of the same body, which descended downward. Quickly he bent down and wrapped both his arms around the other's torso pulling him up. God, had he said how heavy man was?

"Christ Ian ..." perhaps he had spoken too loudly, because the other winked his eyes away from his; he would not apologize "Get back on your feet, and try to walk on your legs ..." too hard. When Ian actually leveraged his legs, half his body weight lifted from Alan's body, who instantly gave a sigh of relief.

"Where ..." Ian made a strange sound pushing his tongue under the palate "where are we?"

"Where do you think we are ..." Alan was unable to finish the sentence because of another question.

"It is dark?"  
"How many astounding discoveries ..."  
"You didn't leave me ..."

Alan rolled his eyes.  
"Thanks ..." another pause. God, because man could not complete a simple sentence, but his conscience suggested the obvious, it could collapse in a moment, that's why "Thanks for not leaving me ..."

Alan tightened his grip on Ian's arm that was slipping away from his shoulders "If I stopped talking and concentrating on walking I would be grateful."

"I'm trying..."  
"Well ..." a snap that anticipated a sound of contempt came from Alan's lips "... you're not trying hard enough"

Ian winced. Alan waited to receive a sarcastic comment from the other man, sarcastic and pungent sentences had been thrown during the whole period of their short stay on the island, but never came. They continued to move in silence.

That's why Alan didn't like people, because people didn't like Alan. Who could ever enjoy a man who snaps against an injured person one step away from death, exaggerated, who is only trying to be kind? Nobody, that's who.

Silence had returned and with it the hisses could not stand. Should you apologize? it should.

"Ian?" Alan felt the man's breath on his cheek and knew he had his attention "I'm sorry?" embarrassing what came out of his lips.

"You know, when you slipped away during the tour ..."  
"I'm not sneaking"  
"... there was an illustration of the fences ..."  
"What do you want to stop coloring?"  
"... and in each one, there are stall points..."

"Stall points?"  
"Stall points ..."

"Do you expect me to understand what your sentence might mean or ..."  
"If you weren't sneaking ..."  
Alan rolled his eyes.

"They are safe points, relatively, obviously ..." a break, basically Ian was injured, he could take all the breaks he wanted "... the cabins, which serve as a base for the patrol teams ..."

Alan abruptly stopped their walk, to turn his face towards Ian "What exactly were you waiting for to let me know? Didn't it occur to you that I might have wanted to be made aware of such information? What made you think you could keep in the dark? Tell me Ian please, what gave you this idea! " if Alan raised his tone, tightened his grip on the man's side, he didn't care, not until Ian's head collapsed forward into an unnatural position, and a groan of pain came out of his lips.

When Alan tightened his grip on his side, Ian felt the pins of pain running through his left side of the body, for a moment he no longer felt that part, nor the rain that beat against him, began to lose contact with reality.

"Ian?"  
"Mh ..." The moment had passed.  
"The cabin?"  
Ian opened his eyes to be able to look at the man, who was looking at him with an anxious look, he could feel a guilt aftertaste, how much he would have liked to make him repeat an apology "Yes?" his mind was a little confused.

"Where is he? Tell me where to go?"  
"I ..." the truth was that Ian had no idea, he predicted that he would be near these fences, absolutely not as close as now, and he had a look, but nothing more, he vaguely remembered to have seen it was in the east? Or maybe west? No, it had to be east. He had seen that it was positioned in the area of the tyrannosaurus, which coincidence, at another time he would have laughed at such a cliché, but right now he would like his life to be full of similar cliches. Breathe, Ian told himself, should you tell Alan after all, how big could the tyrannosaurus zone be? let it be another cliche ...

Alan listened to Ian's inner monologue, which he didn't feel was defining as inner because the man had said it out loud, not that he was complaining, if they weren't in this situation he might even have laughed at some things that other had said. The tyrannosaurus area was large, but not so large, and they had already covered an area of fair ground when Ian was unconscious, they could do it, if it wasn't dark, if Ian wasn't against him and if the sky wasn't coming down, they might have had more possibilities. He felt a squeeze on his shirt, looked down and saw Ian's hand clenching the fabric in a fist, looked up at his face to look him in the eyes and in them he saw the panic reflected.

"Alan?"  
"What's up?"  
"Please hold me ..."

How nice to give him a warning, really nice. Ian passed out. When Alan found himself supporting the other man's entire weight again, he was at least partially prepared to hold the body that crowded him again, but he could not prepare for the disturbing noises and the sound of the rain that came back to haunt him. He was alone again.

Had he once read a maxim, ironically? he remembered her right then. A really stupid maxim thinking about it, spoke of an explorer who had lost his compass and found freedom, what a pile of garbage.

The point? He was alone again, alone and without a compass, to expect him to be able to orient himself towards the phantom East in that situation, it was really absurd.

God, what a terrible way to end a day ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
> it took me a lifetime to write this chapter, i was really stuck, and i didn't know what to write. The good thing is that you won't have to wait long for the next one. Leave me a comment to let me know if you liked it, or if you want something specific to happen.


	4. Underground Cabin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Alan?"  
> "Hm?"  
> "Did you really take that course?"  
> "..."  
> "What shoul- is a no, isn't it?"  
> "Mh"
> 
> Damn.

"... Ellie are you still there? Ellie?"

Would Ian have wanted to go to sleep if that meant avoiding listening to Alan's angry voice, how did that man always be angry?

"... I already told you! We are here! As I have told you several times, we cannot move from here ..."

Opening his eyes still didn't seem like an option he could have used in his favor, he had unbearable pain in his head, he would have waited a little longer, maybe Alan would have stopped screaming and the headache would have vanished along with his voice.

"Are you kidding me? What do you mean you can't take the risk? Maybe you don't understand-"

Alan would not stop screaming. Who was he talking to? He decided to open his eyes to make sure that the man had not gone mad, and what he saw, or rather he did not see, led him to panic; the only thing he could see was a large dark backdrop. He quickly brought his hands to his face and felt the fabric under his fingers: it was a bandage. He threw out the air he had held back.

"... and the children? Are they with you, aren't they?"

Ian thought it was a good time to take that blindfold off and let Alan know he was awake. When his eyes were free from the prison of fabric he could have a more or less clear vision of what he had in front of him, he was relaxed, in his vision there was what he thought was a ceiling, which was not much to see. He had to get up. He clung to the surface beneath him to give himself a greater push, were they sheets? was in a bed? he tried to get up but the only thing he managed to do was make a groan of pain.

"Give me a second"

He heard footsteps, saw Alan's stupid hat enter his vision followed by his face, the man had placed a hand on his chest and was pressing, trying to keep it down.

"Stat down, okay?"

Ian did not want, he was passed out God knows only how long, he could not move or feel the leg that he knew was injured, he needed to get up, to make sure he was not dead, so when he saw Alan turn to go back to where he had come from , grabbed his hand with one of his, making the man's step stop and consequently turned to look at him.

"L-let me get up"  
"You have to rim-"  
"Al-an you have to make me get up"

He never knew if it was his pathetic kneading voice, his miserable pleading gaze or a combination of both, that made Alan decide to bend down to help him get into a sitting position, but something did, and it was enough.  
When they managed to make him sit with his back against something hard, he decided that the pain he had felt was worth it, now he could see what surrounded him. He knew he was alive.

"... Alan are you still there?"

Alan walked away, Ian followed his movements, and watched him as he grabbed what looked like a transceiver.

"There are"  
"What happened-"

Ian stopped listening. He looked around, they were surrounded by walls, he looked over the surface of the walls, he counted two doors, a barred one with steel beams, but he could not find a window. On the other hand, there were two wardrobes in the room, in what he supposed was iron, a chair on which the other man was sitting, and a table on which he focused his attention. His vision was blurred, where were his glasses? the table was at a modest distance from where it was located, but it could identify the shape of several objects scattered on the surface.

"... I sewed it up"

Ian would have lied if, telling the story, he said he was listening to the conversation, because he had abandoned listening to the parts that didn't seem important to him, but that sentence said in that tone, when the only ones present in that room were him and Alan , made him think that the implicit subject was him. And damn, had Alan stitched him up?!

"Are you serious right now?!"

To his surprise on both sides, Ian had raised his voice and managed to complete a sentence without stammering or moaning. The look he received from Alan went from stunned to 'don't you see that the adults are talking'.

He lowered his gaze to the lower part of his body for the first time and only then noticed the lack of clothes, what the hell Alan? He pushed the sheet aside on his legs and could see a bandage covering the insensitive part of his thigh, which he could not explain why he could not hear, but it was a good sign? He was a mathematician not a doctor, how could he know something, but he could have said the same about the other man, what did Alan know about how to sew a wound?  
He heard a small voice in the back of his mind that suggested that Alan had messed with his leg, he could no longer walk, perhaps he could even die.

"... Alan you have to tell me if the kids are fine"

There was a moment of silence, he moved  
his gaze on the man saw him swallow and lower his gaze, he recognized the whole situation, he was often on that side of the speech and that, well that was guilt. Thinking about it, Alan hadn't mentioned the children, not once.  
Ian could barely breathe when the man found him and speaking in all honesty, he hadn't bothered to want to know anything about the subject, he had assumed they were around wherever Alan left them, but now ... now he was no longer sure.

"Ellie, you have to come get us."

The conversation was over, and before the woman could object in any way, the man turned off the transmitter and set it aside by resting it on the table. Ian knew Alan wasn't going to talk about the topic and he wasn't going to push, not right now, so he did the only thing he could do better.

"I could swear that once I could still see something that was less than a meter away from me"

He heard a chuckle coming from Alan's direction, and for the first time he thought he had made the right decision. Busy to reflect on what he should have said afterwards he did not notice the movements in the room and almost jumped when suddenly the palm of the man's hand, on which his glasses were resting, appeared in his view.  
Once the frame was put in its place of belonging, and the familiar pressure on the bridge of the nose came back to haunt him, he felt as if a part of himself had been returned to him.

"I heard that in your free time you enjoy mending unconscious people. I ask you because I knew that I could be-"

"Ian you will be fine, your leg will be fine"

"Well thank you Dr. Grant, but you know this-"

"I took a course for a while. I would never have touched your leg if I wasn't sure that trying to fix it wouldn't have caused further damage."

"Did you take a course? You know, I don't know if this will calm me down"

"Adapt"

Ian took advantage of the end of their conversation to observe the objects lying on the table, which he could finally see. He made a list: he was sure there was a much larger than normal first aid kit, water, alcohol, cotton balls, a couple of syringes and remains of bandages, there was blood on them, it was the his blood? he almost found himself putting it back, inhaled and forced himself to keep in his stomach what he wanted to come out.

"Uhmm, did you take us to the cabin?"  
"What does it look like to you?"  
"Right ..." they should have talked about the big elephant in the room, Ian didn't care that the conversation would somehow hurt the man, but would he really want to know the answer? "... Alan, you know we need to talk ab-"

"I'll tell you..."  
Oh, he hadn't thought at all that it would be so easy to get Alan to talk, he had thought there would be complaints, that he would get a cold response that would lead to a fight, certainly not that.

"You passed out for six hours, I found a clock here then-"  
Here it is, what did he say? Too easy? Sigh.

"Alan you know I didn't mean this"  
He did not seem to hear it.

"I had a long argument with Ellie and that incompetent Muldoon, they'll come and get us in about ..." he looked at the clock Ian hadn't noticed and left to head for the door that wasn't sealed "five hours, he organizes your time as best you th- "

"Alan ..."  
With this the man turned to look at Ian.

"I know okay? Just not now, I don't think I can do it ..."

Most holy God. He didn't think he could do it, what the hell had happened? looking at Alan's injured eyes, Ian couldn't help letting his mind wander to form completely unthinkable scenarios. He had to calm down, he could not hyperventilate for anything, the man had not even given his explanation, but what explanation could never exist, he had never seen the children, if they had been around he would have noticed, even as he was hurt at the time of the meeting with Alan, he would have noticed, would he have done it right? he hoped not. He returned to reality because of the sound of a handle lowering.

"What's in that room?"  
"The bathroom"  
"Really?"  
He raised his eyebrows to mark the surprise that was to be perceived only by his tone of voice. He could hear Alan's faint laughter again.

"Would you believe it?"  
The door closed. Ian sighed, and took the opportunity to look around again. With his glasses returned to his place, he could distinguish every detail in the room, starting from the large weapon leaning against one of the wardrobes, he started, not that he was afraid of the other man who was handling a weapon, but did not want to find himself on the receiving side of a possible blow, his gaze rested on a black pile, it must have been his clothes, which by the way, he absolutely wanted to get back as soon as possible.  
He then went to check his torso, even there it was 

anus blood-stained bandages wrapped in various places, he wanted to check his back, then ignoring the pain that his injuries caused him, he stretched his arm over his head directed towards the back of his body, he had just started to feel for bruises , when a gasp escaped his lips; she almost felt like crying.

"Don't touch yourself"

Ian jumped again and not in pain "Jesus Alan, should we put a bell on you or what?"

"Looks like someone hit you with a brass knuckle on your back, so stop."

Ian glanced at Alan who had just closed the door behind him and stood in the center of the room with one hand on his side. He smirked and the other man knew that something was coming.

"I don't know if undressing, going to bed and doing that little bandage trick was your way of sending me a signal, but I'll let you know that at the moment I am very unable."

He saw Alan dramatically raise his eyes to heaven and then, with rapid steps, reach the pile made up of his clothes and throw it at him "I seem to have read somewhere, that in case of a probable brain concussion or a simple headache, depriving of light could have helped, or at least I think, I'm not that kind of doctor "

"Keep telling yourself Alan, keep telling you ..."

"You know, I almost preferred when I had to drag you around in your unconscious state, at least I would have prevented my ears from bleeding because of your chatter"

"I would have bet you would have liked to drag me around, in your complete po-"

"For God's sake. Close your mouth"

Ian smiled and closed his mouth, chose to wear his shirt noticing cuts where the fabric had given way, as far as trousers were concerned, he would have thought about it once he got up from that makeshift bed.

"Alan?"  
The man turned his head in his direction giving him an almost hard look.

"Whatever is out there won't come in ... right?" he couldn't move his leg, so he had no chance to escape if the need arose and he didn't want to die while trying to sleep.

The same look that first seemed cold, softened, before the man replied "Hammond has done one intelligent thing, and he is in this room. The door is armored, and it is in steel, beyond there is a ramp of stairs that can be accessed through a trap door ... "

Ian looked him in the eye trying to understand how much he could trust his answer.

"Now, unless the dinosaurs have learned to open hatches and shoot laser beams, nothing should be able to enter"  
Ian laughed. Alan had made a joke, and this had reassured him.

"If I had to fall asle-"  
"Sleep Ian. I'll take care of it"

If being injured caused the other man to turn so kindly to him, Ian decided he would have to hurt himself more often. Even if something went in, did Alan have a weapon right? this did not console him. He relaxed trying to move all his limbs as little as possible, and when he leaned his head against the pillow he felt all the tiredness flooding him like a flood, he was almost falling asleep when he remembered a conversation he had a few minutes before.

"Alan?"  
"Hm?"  
"Did you really take that course?"  
"..."  
"What shoul- is a no, isn't it?"  
"Mh"

Damn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes:
> 
> Hello everyone,  
> what can I say, I had the chapter ready, so why not publish it?  
> And yes, Ian is recovering, in the movis he showed no sign of suffering even a little, when he was actually unable to move, so why make him suffer too much?  
> And yes Alan sometimes lies, and no, he's not a rapist and neither Indiana Jones or Lara Croft killing a T-Rex with a magnum like she was shooting a bird.
> 
> Anyway, even if nobody is almost reading this story, let me know what you liked and what you didn't like, and if you didn't like anything ... let me know!


	5. Exogenesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a - - an impact tremor - - it's uh ..."  
> He continued to digress, but nobody seemed to pay attention to him "-I am fairly alarmed here" he heard roars in the distance, he could not be the only one to hear them, was he imagining them?

Ian was beginning to hate water, he didn't know if it was because his experience of proximity to death was accompanied by a storm, or because of the thousands of drops of water he found himself having to count to avoid closing his eyes , whether for one reason or another, it was precisely this element that interrupted his sleep. He had been dragged away by his unconsciousness by the incessant noise of the water that flowed, almost certainly, from a tap of a sink, his first choice was to ignore the sound and if he was lucky, he would go back to sleep within a few moments, but how many times had Ian been lucky in his life? The sound continued to shatter his hearing for several minutes; he had enough.

"Alan?"

Ian firmly allows two hands on the mattress, strengthened his arms and turned to sit up, leaving his legs dangling off the edge of the bed. He rested both elbows on his knees, let his head dangle before bending down to fall into the open palms of his hands. The noise didn't stop.  
He decided that he would only abandon his position when the light flickered and then leave him immersed in total darkness. God, if this was not a good way to start a day - his head snapped to the bathroom, all his senses on alert, the flow of water interrupted by the abrupt sound of glass breaking.

"Alan? Is everything okay there?"

Ian got up, and forced himself to drag himself towards the bathroom door, ignoring the pangs of pain that assailed him when he put his weight on his injured leg too much, grabbed the handle and, perhaps with excessive zeal, opened the door and what greeted him were Alan's shoulders. He took a first step in the direction of the man -crack- had trampled the remains of what was once a mirror, damned darkness, approached as quickly as his gait would have allowed, and approached on the right side of the figure of the another man, busy rubbing both hands vigorously. The air in the passenger compartment was damp, the sticky walls covered with thin droplets that slipped intertwining with each other, what could be called smoke rose from the sink to the ceiling. Ian reached out to check the temperature of the water, and when his skin came in contact with the liquid he had to force himself not to move away, it burned like hell, grabbed the regulating valve and hurried to turn it until he threw it of water did not cease. Alan who until that moment seemed not to have recognized Ian's presence inside the small cockpit straightened up and turned to look at the taller man, a moment later Ian found himself two hands clasped around his neck that forced him to back away .  
He threw out all the air he had in his lungs when his damaged back collided against the wall, he had the minimum time to put his hands on Alan's to try to move them away from himself, before the other man came to him crowded against crushing it against the surface. What the fuck.

"What the hell are you doing ?!"

His various attempts to drive Alan away from him failed miserably, his hands continued to slide on a viscous liquid that covered the other man's hands, he thought it was blood. He tried to get some fresh air, but the airways were completely blocked and the only thing he could breathe in was the pain, the burning pain that signaled the long lack of air, his vision was starting to be compromised, and he couldn't think.

"Al-an ..." a tear slid down her cheek "Al-an p-p-leas-e..."

He saw the eyes of the man who was suffocating him tremble and open wide for realization. He fell to the ground. Alan released him. He tried to breathe, but the only thing he could do was cough, again and again, one of his hands went to his throat, while the other clung to the cold surface of the floor and in an unconscious gesture combined with the movement of the legs who were kicking frantically, tried to get away from the other man. The cough did not subside instantly, but when he did it was worse, with each breath a renewed burning reached him, which made him want to be able to cough again.

When his gaze rose, the first thing he saw in the darkness that surrounded him, was the figure of Alan standing out against him almost occupying his living space, observing him with dilated pupils and trembling hands, he had big hands, he could only imagine the bruises that would manifest themselves in the days to come.

"Ian i-"

He didn't give him time to finish whatever he wanted to say, as soon as the sound of his voice reached his brain, Ian scrambled to his feet and staggering ran out of the room, looked around frantically, and too late he realized who had nowhere to go, he forced himself to breathe.

"Ian ..."

He jumped at the sound of the other man's voice and turned to look at him, saw him move towards him, raised a hand to stop his advance "Alan no ..." he stopped.

"I'm sorry..."

Ian's eyes widened "Are you sorry?" he saw the other man nod and this triggered a chuckle that made him cough again "You almost killed me ..."

The light trembled again before finally stopping his attempts to return to life, those few moments were necessary for Alan to lower his gaze towards Ian's neck, where the red marks of his footprints were imprinted on the skin, to give him a temporary reminder of the attack that had taken place.

"Did I do those to you?"

The gaze of the taller man thinned "What should that mean?"

"I do not remember..."

Couldn't he really think she would have fooled him so right? "Don't you remember? How can you not remember huh?" she saw him start and look away from his neck "You hit me against a wall and you put your hands around my neck, I saw your look Alan, and I was afraid, I was terrified, I thought I was going to die ..." a tear made its way down Ian's cheek, and it was his turn to look away.

"Ian I'm sorry"

"You almost killed me."

"Ian ..."

"I can't do it Al-"

"I killed the children."

Ian winced, and returned his attention to the other man "Please no ..."

"I did it."

"Please..."

"I still felt their blood on my hands, I wanted to wash it off, but Ian ..." Alan looked at him with a desperate look and showed him his hands, the light shook again, reduced in a bad state, they were swollen, covered with scratches from which spilled blood that painted them red "-was not going away. I did not want to see him again, but he did not go away ..."

"Christ Alan ..."

"I saw another person-" he paused, which gave Ian time to think "if I had known ..." another pause "Ian, if I had known, I would never have said anything to you. bad..."

"Who did you see?"

"Ian ...

"Tell me Alan."

"Me."

"I'm sorry?"

"I couldn't take it. I could hear my voice saying - I just wanted it to stop ..."

"Alan ..."

"Then I heard your voice, and it is as if my eyes were closed all that time ..." Alan dropped his hands to the ground in his hair "I opened them, I saw you, I saw what I was facende e- God Ian you don't know how sorry I am ... "

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Ian didn't know what to think anymore, he wanted to believe him with all his might, but his throat continued to burn, and his body continued to tremble with fear at the sound of Alan's voice, and then there were the children. He took a step forward.

"Alan? How-" he almost shed more tears to finish this sentence "How did you kill them?"

"Tim- he ... he flew down the fence with the car ... and I- I couldn't get him out ..." Alan was crying, the sound of her sobs came straight to Ian's heart "She stole her from my arms ... Lex, I didn't want to let her go ... there was so much blood, but she was dead Ian- she was dead ... "she curled up with her head in her hands and started to swing on himself "I killed them Ian- if I didn't kill them Ian. I killed them. I killed them. I killed them ..."

Ian was petrified, but at the same time he felt he could breathe again, he hadn't even realized he had held his breath in the first place. God what a mess. He took a step forward, and yet another, until he arrived in front of Alan's trembling form, he could not go down on the floor next to him without a wall to support him, he was therefore content to remain where he was.

"It wasn't your fault ..." the other man jumped and stopped moving "You couldn't do anything about it. You didn't come here to die in the name of a heroic act, it's not what you signed up for ..." Ian walked away, put his hand against a wall and went to the table with gauze and disinfectant, where, feeling the surface, he took both elements and went to the bed where he was sitting before all this started, he clenched his teeth and sat down "You tried Alan ... you tried"

He stretched out a hand towards Alan "Come here ..." he heard a rustle and then heavy footsteps approaching his position, when his skin came into contact with that of the shorter man Ian wrapped his fingers trying to guide him down next to him "We take care of the cuts and burns mh?" In response he had only a nod of assent, and as he filled a cotton ball with alcohol and then placed it on one of the various cuts that were on the skin of Alan's hands, he found the weight of the other man's sobbing head on his shoulder left.

"Forgive me. Please forgive me ..."

"It's all right Alan, it's ok ..."

Alan continued to cry.  
It was a lie, nothing was going well.

"Can we chance moving him?"  
"Please chance... "

Muldoon had the injured man lie down, as carefully as possible, in the back of the jeep previously occupied by objects that Alan had set aside on one side for access for more people.  
The scene of the short run by dr. Sattler ending with her arms around the neck of the man she had spent the last few hours with, was recorded by Ian with a frustrated sigh, was it too much to ask to postpone the moving moment until they would be safe away from that place?

The man tried to get comfortable by leaning against the metal surface of the car, then I cast my gaze downwards, feeling a strange sensation accompanied by a shiver that shook his spine. Next to the car he could see a lowering of the ground filled with water, surely created by the pressure of the body of a dinosaur that had crossed the area. How hard was it to be him? Even in his thoughts he could not avoid replacing words like "puddle", because that's what it was, with fucking pretentious sentences. The water vibrated.

"Um-anybody? Anybody hear it??"

It was ignored. The other members of his new and suddenly crowded group continued to argue among themselves.  
Ian did not look away, thus managing to notice that the circles formed in the "puddle" were beginning to widen. It was just like before the fall. He was out of breath.

"It's a - - an impact tremor - - it's uh ..."  
He continued to digress, but nobody seemed to pay attention to him "-I am fairly alarmed here" he heard roars in the distance, he could not be the only one to hear them, was he imagining them? It was happening, he looked up to be able to see a tree moving in the distance "We have to move, we have to get out of here!"

All three heads turned to him, giving him a confused look.

"Come o-"

Oh. The sound of the tyrannosaurus cry rang in the air, making the car tremble. There was no word, no look, everyone rushed over to Ian, climbing aboard the vehicle, Alan took a seat beside him, loading the weapon he had thrown a monopoly on, not that Ian cared.

"Move now! Let's go, let's go, right now!"

The noise of the ignition of the engine spread in the air at the same time when they saw a little ahead of their current position, the shape of the t-rex pointing straight in their direction.

"Go! GOGOGOGOGO!"

The car drove off, Muldoon pressed his foot on the accelerator all the way, but the car still seemed to be too slow. The woman next to the driver checked through the mirror the position of their pursuer "The moving objects are closer than they seem", and they certainly were. Everyone turned to look in terror as the shape of the t-rex was inevitably gaining ground.

"Faster! We have to go faster- move to the fifth! The here-"

Ian's voice was the only one to fill that terrifying moment, and he would have continued, if only his breath hadn't suddenly cut off, the damned was too close. He tried to climb backwards but he could not put a distance between him and the beast that almost collided with the vehicle, because he must always be the only one who had to look straight at his face, literally, atrocious death that was due to him.

"Down!"

They were so distracted to look at the horrible beast that wanted to feast on their bodies, that no one had undertaken to actually look at the road they were traveling, so when a fallen tree appeared in front of them they almost lost their heads. The tyrannosaurus gave no sign of wanting to stop, destroyed the big tree by going straight to the center and continued to chase them, they would all be dead.

"What's in the gun?"

Ian had almost forgotten about the man next to him, if their shoulders weren't pressed together he might have lost Alan's whisper. The imbecile had a weapon and had not yet deigned to fire a shot, what the hell was he waiting for?  
He grabbed the fabric of Alan's shirt with the hand with which he was not supporting himself to remain in a sitting position, yanked it causing the man to turn to look at him.

"Shoot. Alan shoot."

He saw a strange look in the other man's eyes, and wondered what he was thinking about, there was absolutely nothing to think about, there was no choice to make, the only damn choice in existence was to shoot the dinosaur so as not to be devoured. What was so complicated? But Alan did not move, the tyrannosaurus advanced. Ian didn't want to die. He pulled the weapon from Alan's arms, his head banged against the driver's seat, held his breath. Ian was not a shooter, we had never held a weapon in his hand, but how difficult it could have been to hit a huge dinosaur that however much close he could sit with them. He found that it was not at all. He fired.

The tyrannosaurus made an unpleasant verse, and for a moment his eyes fixed on those of Ian, who froze instantly. He could never forget the relief that flooded him when he saw their pursuer begin to lose ground, nor how he had let the rifle fall on the surface of the jeep to be able to rub both palms on his face, and then throw his head back and let go of a liberating laugh.

They drove in silence for a while, still frightened of what their tragic fate might have been.

"Do you think this is part of the tour?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,  
> some time has passed and in reality I had already written this chapter about a month ago, obviously only a part, but it didn't convince me and so I waited to see if something good would come out, I came to decency and I decided that I had to publish it . I'm mainly writing this story for only few people, but i don't care, i really love your comments guys, thank u so much for supporting me.
> 
> Let me know if you liked the chapter, or not obviously. See you soon👋


	6. Control room day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He pressed their foreheads together, and a laugh escaped him as he felt that ridiculous hat shift his glasses. He took a deep breath and met with a trembling gaze the man pressed against him.
> 
> "Don't you dare to die, okay?"

"Take your hands off him."

The fact that Ian did not have a filter that prevented his brain from giving voice to all kinds of thoughts, even the most stupid, as in that case, had always been a problem for him and those around him, as he had been able to see with the years go by. He simply could not stop talking, not when gathered in the control room after announcing what we will call "the bad news", Muldoon had come ominously close to what they had decided to be a culprit without due process, and had punched him. . The thing was that Ian could have stayed a safe distance from the scene, and even after loudly saying what sounded like a dangerous warning, keep the focus from shifting to him, this could have been if only the man had not decided to fill the few steps that separated him from the two to stretch to his full height, with an undoubtedly visible disadvantage associated with his injuries, in front of the man who had hit Alan, and was preparing to do it again sooner of his miraculous intervention.

"What the hell?!"

"I dare you to do it again."

"Did you hear what he said?"

"Touch him again. Please do it."

"You are threatening me?"

The man looked down at him, twisted his mouth into a thin grin and as he seemed to be moving away from both of them he collided their shoulders causing a small loss of balance to the injured man, who stabilized himself by placing a hand on one of them. console to his left.  
It seemed that everything would subside and everyone would return to the main issue leaving the park owner a few more minutes to recover from the "bad news", but things never go the way we want them to, and that's when we he heard a clear whisper.

"Fagot."

Ian had common sense like most human beings, the same common sense that had suggested that the proposed visit to a mysterious island of unexpected surprises seemed somewhat suspicious, but now he was there right? So when his common sense told him to let the comment slip, he considered making it happen, but did being low in intelligence really justify such words? The answer he gave himself was a sharp no. Ian turned, grabbed Muldoon by the shoulder and braced himself for a heated debate, when there was a sudden blast next to him, and in an instant Alan, who had decided to be beaten without objecting, was no longer a step behind him, pushed the man away from the one hand Ian was touching him with, saw him raise one arm and lower it against the other man's face, a disgusting sound of cracking bones rang in the air overhung by the sound of Ellie's astonished scream, Muldoon took a step back and before he could put his hands to his face Ian could see the blood almost pouring from the man's nose.

"Repeat it now asshole."

"You and your fairy can go and fu-"

Alan seemed ready to throw himself at the man again followed by Ian trying to grab him, when Ellie parried in the middle of the fight "Stop it now" both of the woman's hands were stretched out in different directions trying to keep the two parties involved away "We are all upset, but none of us need you to behave like this, this ends here, okay? "  
no one dared to utter a word and the three men went off in as many different positions inside the cockpit, under the watchful eye of the doctor, Hammond, and the technician who had stopped looking for a solution only to witness the exchange.

"I would appreciate silence while I try to save all your asses. Can I get it? Yes? Thanks. Idiots ..."

From that moment not a single small voice made its way through the deafening silence.

After hours spent in silence where the only noise expanding in the room was that of the computer keys being pressed by the technician Ray Arnold, who had sounded one by one every single line of code of the program that managed the safety of the park, finally this 'last turned with a look of pure disbelief painted on his face and turned to Hammond, who shortly before had stopped sitting on the sidelines mourning the death of his grandchildren and had approached the computers.

"No. No. No. Absolutely not. You're out of your mind ..." he indicated the man with a finger, turning to the rest of the group "He's absolutely crazy ..."

"What is that supposed to mean?"  
Ellie was the first to flinch from her position in the room.

"We're talking, my dear, about calculated risk, which is the only option we have left. We'll never find the line of code Nedry used-" Ian wondered who the hell was the idiot who'd done something about genus "-he covered his tracks all too well, and it seems clear that he has no intention of returning. Then restart the system- "

Arnold intervened again "I will not do it, he will have to find someone else because I will not."

"- restarting the system is the only way to cancel its command. If I understand correctly the whole system will revert to its initial start-up mood, right?"

"Theoretically. Yes, but we never rebooted the whole system, it might not even come back at all."

Ellie spoke again "But will we get the phone line back?"

"I repeat, in theory, yes ..."

"So, let's not talk about lysine ?! I think everyone should be aware of it!"  
It was Muldoon who spoke that time, and Ian had an itch on his hands so much was he wanting to shut it up if another single stupid thing left his mouth.

"That's absolutely out of the question!"  
"What's this?"  
At the exact same moment, Ellie and Hammond's voices overlapped, one to seek clarification, and the other to nip the matter in the bud.

"Dr. Wu has inserted a gene into the genome of each dinosaur, which prevents it from producing the amino acid lysine. If they were no longer supplied with lysine by us, they would go into coma and certain death."

"How do we get the lysine out of him?"

"Nothing complicated, just stop the program and leave them there"

Ian felt compelled to intervene with what seemed like a question no one else would ask for their false "respect for life" "How long would it take to go into a comatose state?"

"It would be totally painless, they would fall into a long sleep and then die-" Ian loved human minds, really, but he didn't understand why people sometimes felt the need to provide clearly unsolicited information, yes, yes, here comes the shred of compassion for his own figure wanes, but frankly if he had to choose between his life or that of a species that endangered his existence, extinct a million years ago and almost certainly illegally recreated from an ampoule, how difficult it would be to do a choice?

"How long before they fall into a long, peaceful sleep?" he rolled his eyes.

"Around seven days, maybe six? More day, less day"

There were gasps, angry voices rising in the room, unspoken questions as to why create such a safety measure if the animals would take so long to die.

"Here we are. It will be a unique event, humans and dinosaurs die together, from an incredible plan by John Hammomd." Ian wasn't proud of his sarcasm at times, but what did boring people do at times like that? Oh yes, they were silent or hysterical.

"People are dying!"  
Ah, here is the typical example of the only quiet voice of the group that inexplicably became hysterical, Hammond, so predictable "Can you please reboot the system ..."

Arnald gave in, left his post heading towards a red metal box that almost shone on a pillar, took a bunch of keys from his trouser pocket, spent a couple of seconds looking for the right one, when he did he inserted the chosen one in the lock and turned, the guard opened, the treasure it protected was a total of four levers that he lowered simultaneously.  
The lights on every single screen and console flickered for a moment before the room plunged into total darkness.

"How long will it take?"

Ian winced when a voice tremendously close to him spoke, Alan, he had wondered if the man was even present in the room, since he hadn't heard his voice since the fight that took place the previous half hour, but apparently he was returned to himself. He felt the pressure of a hand settle on his right shoulder and squeeze, Ian felt the accumulated tension and stress instantly leave his body.

"About thirty seconds ..."

Silence.

"I think I'll sit down. I guess you don't think much of me now, eh?"

Ian was trying to restrain himself, but come on, how could he have resisted such an offer standing in front of him like a plate served hot.

"It's okay John, you're okay. It's just that, you don't have intelligence, you have what is called" thinktelligence ", you think superficially and you call it" focus ", you are very good at solving problems, giving answers - but you don't ask yourself the right questions ... "

"Ian ..."  
the man turned to Ellie's voice.

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"Yes."

He knew it would happen, shut up the source of your problems they said, and that's what people did with him, when the opportunity arose to summarize aloud what everyone had guts enough to think but not say, the truth, the addition of some derogatory and perhaps not entirely innocent comment in the middle and became the subject to change in order not to cause pain. If anyone out there was identifying with it, don't worry, with time it hurts less.

"Anyway, it wasn't a criticism."

A chuckle made his eardrum vibrate, and Ian turned away with a surprised smile so that he could see back the edges of Alan's lips raised upwards, his face lit only by the red of the emergency lights. How tempting. Sometimes, if you are lucky, it is possible that life leaves an Alan in your path, not that there are other Alans in the world, but people like him, who lighten the burden that instead weighs on people like Ian. Thanks to anyone for those people.

Finally Arnold returned to the red control box, and returned the levers to their initial position. There was a long pause in which no one dared to breathe.

"It's not working," Ian said.

"Uh-"

Arnold walked over to the monitor of the only computer that seemed to have come back to life "HA! Look everyone!"

Ian absolutely could not read clearly what was written on the illuminated screen from his position, and if he had not had his glasses it would have been difficult for him to see the only two words that occupied the entire surface:  
/ system ready

"It worked!"

"Wait a minute? What do you mean by" it worked "? I don't think anything works here!"

"The reboot must have tripped some switches. What we have to do is go and turn them back on, restart some systems, phones, ports, other things like that ... but it worked! The system is ready!"

"And where would these switches be located?"

"In a maintenance booth on the other side of the compound, three minutes and I can turn everything back on."

"I propose gentlemen, we go to the bunker until Mr. Arnold returns, just to be safe."

Nobody objected. Arnold walked away, Hammond took with him what was supposed to be a map of the place and walked out the door, Ellie in tow, Muldoon walked over with that shred of human decency he had left to help Ian get off the table he was standing on. sitting to support his leg, but Alan had already put an arm around his waist and was pulling him away from the metal surface. "You should go ahead with the weapon ..." Not that Ian had thought Alan didn't want the other man to get close enough to target his pride again, or that maybe he liked being in contact with him in this bad one. situation, but he could not deny that he had hoped for it.

They were outside within seconds, and as Ian concentrated on trying to match his stride to Alan's by limping on one leg, they heard Muldoom cursing just ahead, and then Ellie's voice join his.

"Oh my God, aw God."

Ian looked up from the ground and was able to see what had caused them to stop, in the fence that should have contained the raptors was clearly visible a gash large enough for an animal to pass quietly through, he felt Alan stiffen next to him, and start slowly to look around.

"The power outage must have shut down all the fences, damn it ..."

He felt a tug where Alan's hand was supporting him, and realized he had to walk again, and so he did, he adjusted his pace again to that of the other man, this time forcing himself to hold the new speed at which they were moving.

"Let's get out of here, before they find us-" Ian and Alan passed the three still motionless figures of their companions heading for the door of the bunker who both could see from where they were. "The Raptors never stray too far from their territory. "

The moment Alan finished his sentence, he heard the distinct creak of shoes trampling the ground, and knew that the other three had joined them. As they were about to reach the entrance, Hammond passed them to type a code on a numeric keypad, the door unlocked. They entered the underground shelter, settled in several places and began to wait.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ellie almost tumbled down the stairs with the haste with which she walked "Something happened. Something went wrong."

Every single person in the room turned to look at her, and then Hammond, who was the one who replied "He's just a little one in an accident, that's what it is. All the major theme parks have had accidents. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing. it worked, nothing. "

"John ..." Ellie's disconsolate voice echoed him.

It was Ian's turn. "But John. If the Pirates of the Caribbean carousel were to break, the pirates wouldn't eat the tourists."

Silence. Still silence.

"It's been too long. I can't stay here another second longer. I'm going to restore power to the park."

For the first time since Ian crashed into the tyrannosaurus enclosure, he felt the heat always present even minimally, belonging to some part of Alan's body to voluntarily leave his part.

"Do you want to go out there alone? You know you can't."

"Well the f-" Ellie was about to start an argument, but Muldoon appeased her before he could say any words.

"And that's why I'll go with you."

"I'll go with you."

Ian froze. The last offer of an escort came from Alan. Before the man could move to leave him with no chance to try to stop him, Ian grabbed his arm with one hand.

"Alan ..."

The man gave no sign of wanting to return to his previous position, but at least he had stopped.

"Alan don't go-" no one was paying attention, too busy explaining where the switches were and how to get to them "You said those animals are territorial. You'll die."

Alan relaxed under the palm of his hand, and reached his whole body in his direction.

"Ian ..."

"Alan!"

Both of their heads snapped to the voice of the woman calling the other man, a moment later Ian felt the grip slip from his hand, and he grabbed his fingers at the last piece of fabric he could reach, leaned out forward and managed to bring one of his hands up on Alan's shoulder while with the other he grabbed one side of the man's face pushing him towards his. He pressed their foreheads together, and a laugh escaped him as he felt that ridiculous hat shift his glasses. He took a deep breath and met with a trembling gaze the man pressed against him.

"Don't you dare to die, okay?"

He saw a smile make its way on Alan's face, raised a hand and placed it on Ian's cheek, rubbing a thumb against one of the man's injured cheekbones, while with the other hand he took care to bring the glasses back into the correct and balanced position that his hat had tilted. Ian felt so hot, that when suddenly all the heat left his body and he saw Alan leave the room heading up the stairs to the exit, he felt as cold as ever.

Fifteen minutes later Alan's transceiver stopped working. Ellie came back, Muldoon was dead as well as Arnold, and Alan, he wasn't there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,  
> I'm just a little bit sad cause apparently no one has reviewed my last chapter, I know it's been a while between chapter four and fifth, but I would appreciate if the reader commented to let me know if the story is going well, or if it sucks. I want to wrap up the story because this fandom was dead before my story, and I really want more people to write, so here I am. I hope someone liked the chapter. See you soon :-)


	7. Not good enough.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ellie."
> 
> "..."
> 
> "How many Raptors did you say there were?"
> 
> "Three."
> 
> "And are you sure one is trapped?"
> 
> "Yes. Unless they have learned to open doors."

"Tell me once again how this could have happened?"

"Ian are you trying to blame me for something? Is that what you're doing here?"

"I'm not trying to do anything, I want-"

"Stop asking!"

"If there's a chance he's still alive, we owe a-"

"What? We have to do what? What do you want to do, go find a possible dead man out there?"

"I remind you that if it weren't for him, you would have been torn to shreds."

Ellie sighed, slumping into a chair next to the table where Ian seemed to have established a fixed abode and brought her hands to her face clutching her hair in a ponytail with an elastic "I'm sorry okay? Alan is good, and if- he he'll be fine. "

"As sad as he is over the lives lost today, those systems still need to be reprogrammed."

How much false respectability and self-centeredness could be encapsulated in a single pathetic human being, she glanced at Hammond in disgust, smacked her lips together and looked back at Ellie for her comment.  
Ian would not cry, he would sit there in a composed and dignified manner, however dignified it might be to lie on a bloodstained metal table, with a shirt open and pants ripped at the thigh, he would keep his facade. If Alan - if he - if he were really dead, Ian would have mourned him at the end of that gruesome adventure, this was not his moment, he had known him for just over forty-eight hours, he would not have dared to impose himself on a woman who he had known all his life.

"I'm going outside."

Pathetic. Useless. Weak.

"Are you sure you want to go, we can wait-"

"The longer we wait, the less chance we'll have. If- uh- Alan knew we'd have to reprogram some systems, he'll be there."

Pathetic. Useless. Weak.

"Maybe you could- uhm ..."

Ellie gave him a questioning look, stood up to take a transceiver and a map and pass him both objects "Here, you can guide me there."

She didn't know which way she should go, and that could only mean that even Alan had no idea where he should go. If there was a possibility that the man had survived he would not have had a clear goal to reach, maybe Ian would have to go out and look for him, maybe ...

"I could have-"

"Ian, if you even try to say that you're a man and you should do it, I'll push you off this table."

"Surely I wouldn't have said that. Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits earth, remember?"

Ellie laughed "You better keep it fixed in mind."

And with that he left, again leaving him alone with the man responsible for this disaster.

"So you and Dr. Grant-"

Ian hoped that his gaze communicated all his contempt towards the man, avoiding him a conversation in which he certainly did not want to participate, his hope was unfortunately misplaced.

"Are you together? How in a relationship?"

Ian didn't like the slight disgusted sound Hammond had accompanied the word "relationship" with.

"No, we are not."

"Oh-" nor did he like the sigh of relief the older man had pulled after getting an answer to his question "well, that would have been a rather unfortunate situation ..."

"An unfortunate situation you say?"

"For me and the men previously present in this room, then the poor man is- missing?"

"Yes, of course."

Jesus Christ. Had Ian already said how much he despised the man? Well, because repeating it again a million times certainly couldn't hurt someone. He preferred to bask in the scenarios where Alan died in so many different and imaginative ways that his mind was processing at an alarming rate, rather than having to talk to this man for another second.

Had Hammond lost his grandchildren less than twenty-four hours and would rather spend his time judging Ian's life choices?  
Now, he had never been a man who judged lightly, huge lie, he just thought that if he ever had such a situation he would choose better how to spend his time, for example he could cry non-stop for long days, but still he wasn't a judging man, so he shouldn't have thought about it.

"Ian are you there?"

He hastened to answer Ellie's voice coming from the transceiver that had been entrusted to him "Where else else?"

"Okay, i'm here! In the main reception room, tell me where to go."

"Get ready to dive into a sensational journey-" Ian moved the map to his good leg so he could have a good view of it "and welcome to Jurassic Park." he glanced at Hammond to see whether or not the man had caught his own phrase used sarcastically in a critical situation, hit and sunk.

"What you have to do is direct yourself-"

And so after ten minutes of Ellie having miraculously escaped any sign of a possible romantic walk that would end in her own death, finally seemed to have reached her destination.

Ian jerked his torso in the direction of the stairs, instantly freezing to a high-pitched hiss coming from them. He looked for Hammond and beckoned him with two fingers to be quiet "Ian-" turned off the transceiver, every word of Ellie, even if involuntarily, did nothing but signal their position to whatever was upstairs. He suggested to the older man, pointing a hand towards the door, to crawl against the wall to it and close it to isolate them from where the noise and its source came from. When he heard the lock click, he turned the transceiver back on.

"Damn, why did you sp-"

"Ellie."

"..."

"How many Raptors did you say there were?"

"Three."

"And are you sure one is trapped?"

"Yes. Unless they have learned to open doors."

"Ellie I have to ask you ..." Ian inhaled as he rubbed two fingers between his eyes at the top of his nose, feeling a headache starting to settle in that area "there is by chance the possibility that you could, exiting from here, forget to close the main door? "

"No! Cause I will-"

"Did you turn around to check?"

"I'm sure I closed it-"

"OH my God!"

Ian stopped listening to Ellie distracted by Hammond's sudden exclamation, who had left his position to support himself trembling against a wall, his gaze fixed on the door. Ian didn't want to look back, he feared what he might find, but something told him it was better to know the problem than to ignore it. So he did, turned and almost wished he hadn't, when to greet him on the other side of the small window installed at the top of the door, he found sharp teeth framed by scaly skin and a yellow eye.

"Jesus Christ..."

Ian was shaking now. He tried to get away from the door, but the only result he got was falling off the table, his back straight against the floor, the reward for his actions was a jolt of pain that ran the full length of his spine. He told himself to breathe, that it would be okay, they were safe, but no matter how hard he tried, the only thing he could think about was that this being could come in and kill them both. His hands didn't stop shaking. Hammond called his name, but his mind was still focused on the fear he was feeling.

"Ian what's going on?"

He had left the transceiver on, the woman was still awaiting his instructions, but what sense did it make to restart all services if he would die in that room anyway. The thing that forced him to stop shaking was Ellie's scream of terror accompanied by a shot, his senses snapped in alert and in an instant he sat crawling on the floor until he leaned with his back against the table. He felt the metal surface above his head looking for the transceiver that was left there and when his fingers bumped into the only object he hurried to grab it and bring it towards him.

"Ellie! Are you still there? Are you all right? Ell-"  
On the other side there was a crackling almost as if the communication element that held them together had been reduced to a thousand small pieces, followed by a sharp noise that forced him to push the object away from his face.

"Ellie? Ellie?"

A sound of shattering glass rang inside the room and Ian would have been confused as to where the sound came from if only the aforementioned glass wasn't covering the floor.

"He's trying to open the door!"

What the fuck. Ian wanted someone to give him an explanation to justify why a dinosaur would have the skills to grasp a handle and open a door, since when dinosaurs could? He felt stupid, he was on an island populated by extinct animals millions of years ago, whose only close encounter he could ever hope for was with the bones setting up museums and still wondering.

"Hammond help me block that with the table!"

So both men pushed the table to form a kind of barricade, certainly not that strong, against external evil, leaned against it and tried to add their weight to their only two lines of defense. Ian's leg had started to bleed again, a long and disgusting trail of blood decorated the floor from where Ian had crawled to his current position, the bandages now hardly useful, of the white that characterized them there was no longer a trace, replaced sickly reddish color.

"Dr. Malcolm you're bleeding."

Ian rolled his eyes "I noticed John."

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Just push against this damn door."

Whenever Ian breathed in a superficial way and abandoned his task even if only for a small moment, the raptor out there was a step closer to invading the room.

"Do we have a weapon?"

"There are some rifles r-"

"Get one."

"That beast ent-"

"John take one I tell you!"

And so it was that Ian had to support the weight of a dinosaur pushing against the door to enter, with a corner of the table pressing against the skin of his back.  
After fumbling for up to ten seconds with the locker containing the weapons, Hammond returned carrying his precious cargo which he hastened to deliver to Ian, as if he could shoot, he was a mathematician for the heaven's sake! A lucky close-range shot at a huge animal certainly didn't make him a sharpshooter, but there were two of them in that room and he certainly wouldn't put his life in the hands of a man like the one sitting next to him. Ian was about to speak when the trilling sound of a telephone ring invaded the room, Hammond turned to look at him and for a moment they both stood motionless, pupils dilated and lips parted in a silent sign of amazement, neither of them. had still correctly registered the telephone line reset. After a moment Hammond comes to his senses, again leaving Ian to make sure that what was outside actually stays where it was.

"Ready?" someone spoke to the other end but Ian was too far away to figure out who the source of the voice was and what he was saying "Grant?" Ian held his breath and a stupid smile made its way on his face, he was forced to erase it as soon as the dinosaur behind him hissed putting his head in the square of space no longer protected by the glass, he could not afford to get distracted to thank someone who Alan was still alive. At that point the man was no longer even trying to understand the conversation between the two but could clearly hear a shouted name and a shot.

"Grant! GRANT!"

No one could have accused Ian of worrying more than necessary, after all no one had ever been in his position "What happened? Was it Dr. Grant? Is he okay? And Dr. Settler?"

The park manager put the phone back in place and ignoring Ian's questions, he began to furiously press keys on the phone to dial a number "I'm calling for help ..."

"Take it easy, I'm great here."

The raptor didn't seem to want to give up, he kept pushing against the door in a fit of fury, but Ian was exhausted, his leg was still bleeding, and the suspicion that he might pass out from the loss of so many body fluids didn't even cross his mind until until he was forced to bang his head against the table to stay lucid. As Hammond fidgeted on the phone with who knows what national strength, Ian thought he would quit, he was exhausted, he would just close his eyes for a second, he couldn't really burden anyone, yes, he would close his eyes.

Boom.

Suddenly Ian was more alert than he had been until now. Impact tremor. Almost over their heads. Breathe, he told himself, keep your eyes open and don't forget to breathe.  
As the cry of the tyrannosaurus that had come up to their position spread through the air, the weight he pushed against the door put an end to his attempts to break in leaving Ian to collapse with all his limbs, now useless, against the cold surface. of the floor. With his forearms he crawled away from the door to lean against a cupboard in the opposite position, the rifle in his arms and staring straight ahead. He heard Hammond talk to him and shake his shoulder and frankly he didn't care what the man had to say, he was just so tired, he wanted to catch his breath without anyone trying to stop him. There were noises as if someone or something was coming down the stairs, Ian braced himself and pointed the rifle straight in front of him, if the raptor came back let him in, whatever he tried to enter that door, he would have fired . He saw a shadow approaching in their direction, the handle dropped and Ian pulled the trigger, heard a scream and a few seconds later still confused by the sound of the shot, he could see a hand lift up so that he could be seen by the little girl and broken window on the door.

"It's me- Grant! I'd appreciate it if you stopped shooting blind."

Ian felt his face relax "Are you Alan?"

"Ian? Of course it's me, who else?"  
Ian laughed and sobbed in a single moment, now he could let go.

Hammomd was quick to push the table away from the door so that Alan's figure could take up a space in the room, his clothes had more wrinkles and were dirtier, a new cut decorated his temple, but he looked fine. The man started to approach Ian's slumped, bleeding figure, but the shotgun aimed at him changed his mind.

"Could you lower the gun?"

Ian lowered the rifle. Alan compensated for the steps that separated them with two quick strides, knelt in front of him and took his face in his hands.

"Hey..."

The man smiled at him and Ian gave him one of what he thought was one of the most grateful and sincere smiles he had ever given.

"Hey..."

He felt the other's hands feel his chest looking for possible wounds and when he reached his thigh he stopped sighing, the blood came from one of the tragic points that had almost certainly torn. Ian reached out to reach Alan's face and when he fell back halfway, the man took his hand in one of his and guided it to his cheek, fingers intertwined and the warmth he had missed.

"Are you alive..."

Alan laughed "Did you think otherwise?"

"Maybe."

There was too much honesty in Ian's response, and the man dropped his amused expression to focus on the tear that the other had finally let flow freely down his cheek.

"I'm here and I'm alive."

"Rather logical to say when you're two steps away from my face."

They both laughed "Can you explain to me why I was almost hit by a bullet?"

"I hate dinosaurs."

"Pinned. But that doesn't answer my question ..."

"One of the raptors came in, we closed the door, but stop everyone! It turns out that the dinosaurs can now open the doors, totally unexpected, right Alan?" he stopped his story to make a gesture with the hand that had remained on the ground, two fingers lowering a handle "So we thought of blocking it with the table, but Alan, these are stubborn little guys, kept trying to enter until when the tyrannosaurus didn't show up, you know the story from there ... "

Ian looked around for Ellie sitting next to Hammond who seemed to have no intention of letting go of the newfound phone, tried to get her attention to smile at her but she nodded and went back to immersing herself in his thoughts. Ian frowned in a confused expression, he had unknowingly made

"I think she might be angry with me."

"And should I be involved in this because...?"

Alan looked at him, Ian gave him a look in return and the man ran his eyes up and down his shape before reconnecting their gazes, he didn't have the faintest idea d-

"Oh.."

Alan's smile disappeared after that one syllable and so the warm hands that caressed him slipped away, he did not understand what he had said wrong, but whatever it was he was going to clarify right now that his awareness was in no way to associate with a refusal? Could Ian speak of denial if there hadn't even been a verbal request?

"So-"

"Gentlemen, I want to warn you that help is on the way, it would be better to go to the extraction point."

He had missed his chance.

-One week later

Ian hated hospitals, not that he didn't like the people who worked there, the rooms almost certainly not sanitized properly, the bad meal you would get every single day of your forced rehabilitation or the significant possibility of a probable death for as simple as that. common leg surgery, of course, paying, like any citizen who wanted health care, a large sum of money to receive services that turned out to be poor, could have irritated anyone, but that wasn't why Ian hated hospitals.

What negatively affected his judgment was loneliness. Ian had always been alone, ever since he started paying for his expenses, he had never had anyone to keep him company or bother to visit him to check on his health. He was irritating, grumpy, sarcastic, self-centered, all qualities that were not welcomed by your family or friends, on the other hand he had never had many friends, consequently no one who was close to him at times like this.

Of course, on this extraordinarily popular vacation, there had been a surprising amount of lawyers wandering in and out of his room, talking to him about nondisclosure agreements, which Ian would not sign for any reason in the world, the large sums of money that he they would have waited if only he had put a small signature. They had given up, not really, after about three days, the secrecy agreements now arrived in the mail every single day, and it had already been seven long days, so keeping Ian company between surgery, a horrible meal and a rehabilitation session. there was no one left.

When he had arrived at the hospital a week earlier he had babbled about his premature and imminent death, perhaps, definitely, he had exaggerated, at that point he was almost more conscious, too much pain and too much morphine. It turned out that of all the possible ailments that Ian had diagnosed himself, the only ones present were a severe concussion and a bruised back, he would have a huge bruise haunting him. By the way, he had nearly lost a leg, too much blood had been lost and too many muscles had been damaged, but luckily the surgeries had succeeded and Ian, thank goodness, still had his leg.

However, he felt an overwhelming disappointment that with the passing of the days had diminished to become almost entirely insignificant, but present. During his interventions, he had undergone three different surgeries, he had been almost completely unconscious to the point that he could hardly remember anything from the first days of hospitalization and this was the excuse he had repeated countless times, it would have been useless for him to come when he was out of the game, but then the days had passed, Ian could walk again with the help of a cane, which actually made him quite endearing but which he would lose as soon as he regained full use of his injured leg, and after seven days he would not there was more excuse to hold.

He mentally scolded himself for the hope and disappointment he had felt later, their knowledge was limited to those terrifying fifty-six hours and what did he expect? It seemed to him that there was something, he saw it in Alan's eyes, because yes, he was still talking about him, who else, he hoped, no, he believed this time it would be different, that things would go for the right verse for him too, a single time, unfortunately he was wrong. Ian was never enough for anyone and that frankly hurt him more than he was willing to admit.

He had waited but Alan never came. That was what hurts you the most about people like Alan, they leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody!  
> How's going? Are you guys okay? In my country covid19 Speed out AGAIN, and i'm really really scared. Stay safe please.  
> I really don't like story with a sad ending, so don't worry, that's not the case, there will be some other chapters, and things will going better.  
> Please leave me a comment, cause i know you guys are reading my work, and i only want to know if you likes It or not. 😔  
> See you soon


	8. Chaos Theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You didn't call me."
> 
> Alan looked down "So why are you here?"
> 
> "Because I had to try."

"-The Koch curve also presents an interesting paradox: every time new triangles are added, the length of the curve increases. In particular, if we think-"

The screeching sound of the bell overlaid Ian's voice signaling the end of the lesson.

"It would seem that our time is over for today, we will continue the talk next week -" a confusion of books being closed, quick footsteps hurrying to leave the classroom, giggles and voices, interrupted the stillness that until now was reign sovereign "-and don't forget to take that survey! God knows if the responsibility will be mine if none of you can take your exam for not filling out a form."

Ian turned to the large white board on which he had kept track of the patterns he had spoken out and hastened to clean it up, erasing all traces, if not for dark pennerello marks due to overlapping writing over time, of his previous lesson. He closed the textbook on the desk and put it away in his dark brown leather bag along with all the various papers and notes he had brought with him, in case his memory decided to play a bad joke on him.

Three months had passed since the trip, a suicide mission, to Isla Nublar and he thanked every single day for being still alive. Ian hadn't signed the nondisclosure agreements, they tried to drag him into a lawsuit but dropped out shortly after the first subpoena letter he received and no wonder why, those fools realized that there was absolutely nothing they could have done to force him to sign that piece of paper and move the matter to court, clearly it wouldn't do Hammond and his lineup of lawyers at all, so they retired leaving Ian the chance to do what he wanted with his knowledge. Oh, and Ian had made extensive use of it. As soon as his rehabilitation was over he gave an interview where he denounced the atrocities that took place on the island, as a warning to posterity not to make the same mistake a second time, for a while the whole story remained the center of attention. , but it seemed almost as if people didn't want to believe what he had said and when Hammond and his company publicly denied his words, almost everyone accused him of lying for attention and he had turned into a moving target of public mockery.

Things had changed dramatically when someone leaked some videos from those terrible days. Ian had froze on his couch when Ellie called to tell him to turn on the TV, every television company broadcast the same images and he had been forced to relive the paralyzing fear of being devoured as a man died before his eyes. What the reporters were showing was an almost complete overview of every gruesome incident that took place on the island, there was a moment when Ian almost turned off the TV, but made up his mind to keep his eyes open and see how it went. things and so he had been able to witness the death of both children while Alan Grant had tried in vain to save them from their tragic fate, this was the longest video, when the gruesome images had ceased, on the screen there remained the figure of a man who he would slump to the ground and yell at whoever was listening to take him and bring the children back, Ian's heart was plunged into a chasm of sadness. Someone, perhaps the government, had had the good sense to interrupt any entity that was broadcasting recordings of Isla Nubla and that same day he had been forced to leave the house and relive the events once more, telling again and again to those who previously did not they believed him his story, he went from liar to hero in less than a month and Ian really didn't know what to do with it.

This had been a week ago.  
He had met with Ellie which was nothing new, they had made this silent arrangement to meet once every two weeks to mourn their pains and share nightmares together, Ian had never asked her about Alan and she had returned the courtesy, the reporters continued to follow him wherever he went, the families of those who had died kept calling to accuse him of choosing not to save the lives of loved ones, the University of Mathematics of Texas had called and restored him to the place he previously occupied, Hammond's company had taken the hit but in mysterious ways, he suspected it had to do with how much money the man was willing to pay, had not been dismantled and appeared to be dormant.

Ian watched the clock wrapped around his wrist, it was lunchtime, what delights the University cafeteria would offer that day, he couldn't wait to find out. She gathered her things, put the bag strap over her shoulder and held it there with one hand, and hurried out of the classroom by climbing the hail with one hand gripping her upper left thigh, hissing as she put her weight on the wrong side of her body , his leg still hadn't recovered and Ian suspected he would never fully recover. Whispers and not-so-discreet glances kept him company until he arrived in the canteen where he was currently busy piercing his "delicious" chicken salad with a cutlery, ever since he had had the honor of taking a look at those recordings on his stomach it had turned on him and Ian wasn't going to limp off and throw up his soul, from this the salad.

Someone sat down at his table and Ian didn't have to look up to know who it was. Some people had approached him when he returned to the faculty and if at first he thought it was out of simple courtesy, he had had to change his mind when he realized that their only desire was to know in detail the events that had taken place months before, he had kept his distance. , he didn't need another reason to look back on those terrible days.

"Michonne."

"Ian."

The man would not have lied, he had approached that incredible but lonely woman with the sole purpose of warding off, at least in part, the crowd of people thirsting for knowledge.

"So?"

"I didn't speak."

The woman's gaze met his and he could witness the exaggerated arching of the right eyebrow.

"You have something you want to say."

"Nope."

The rattling sound of cutlery being placed against the surface of the table signaled that the woman had stopped eating.

"Say what you have to say, so I can eat quietly."

Here. It turned out that Michonne was rude, not always, and had an obvious minimal tolerance for wasting time, but she did not regard Ian as such, only his constant speeches which, may vary in detail, but were often aimed at one huge topic. Alan Grant.

"He didn't call."

"And Is it new why?"

"You said he would."

Michonne's eyes widened almost comically.

"Stop right there. I didn't say that. This is what you said, to which I nodded to avoid dashing your hopes."

"Am I pathetic?"

"You know I don't lie ..."

It was pathetic. He stopped slaughtering his salad and put his face in his hands.

"I do not understand."

Ian opened two fingers to be able to look at her "mhh?"

"Why would he have called?"

He opened his lips and closed them again immediately to prevent an indignant sound from escaping him "I remind you that I almost died! He didn't deign to come and- and I understand! He must have been busy with his moldy bones, but-"

"You misunderstand me-" she raised a hand to calm the barrage of words she had found herself against "-I've already heard the whole thing about the looks, the brushed hands and the unspoken conversations. What I'm wondering is, why don't you phoned you? "

"Call? Me?"

"Yes."

"Why should I?"

"Really?"

"And what was I supposed to tell him? I don't even know if he's interested in that way."

"And what was he supposed to tell you? Besides his wishes for a speedy recovery."

Ian froze.

"What if-"

"Call him and let's not talk about it anymore."

The woman had resumed eating and with this signaled the end of their monotonous conversation.

Ian hadn't called and was frankly regretting it. He hated the sand. He shook his leather jacket, which may not have been at the top of the "clothing to wear for a wild trip to a wilderness, in search of adventure". From his position he could clearly see people bent over in a large pit, assuming they were doing the work for which they were supposedly paid, campers set up in different positions as well as some awnings swinging in the rare bursts of wind, the closer he got and the more he thought that in the end, maybe, it had not been a good idea.

Ian hadn't called. Oh no. He had done more. Had he talked to Ellie to ask her for some random information, which hadn't disclosed his intent at all, and had he booked a ticket for the following day as a destination? Alan Grant's strategically placed archaeological dig.

As he shuffled his feet against the barren ground he could feel the glances he was receiving for the unexpected entry crawl against his skin and he forced himself not to look down and continue walking as if he knew exactly what his purpose was there.  
Trying to blend in with the others until he found the man he was there for was totally out of the question, 6.2 ft of a man in black do not escape sight, especially if the group in question was made up of children with an estimated age of around twenty-five.

"Sir?"

Ian stopped and turned to meet the gaze of the one who, he understood from the card, must be in charge of the group of students.

"Sir, do you have a permit?"

"A species."

It did not seem that the stranger was convinced by the way he had controlled him from top to bottom.

"Can you show It to me sir?"

"uhm-"

Every human being has life plans to make their story follow a similar line to the one outlined, the line could deviate or encounter bumps, but generally stayed in the right direction. Alan had always had a life plan, he understood what he would do in his future as soon as he read about paleontology, but how could he have imagined that the fossils he rarely found in numerous and varied excavations could be brought back to life? When the documentation from Hammond's attorneys was handed to him, he could not pretend not to have noticed the high sum he was promised in exchange for his silence, but when Ellie asked who of the survivors had signed and the lawyer had complained of the absurdity of letting go of such a figure, he knew he would not sign. The lawyers had withdrawn and so were the funds with which they had financed their excavations.  
Alan was not good at socializing with those who could financially support his work and a meeting with Ellie had usually always been effective, but not this time, but when the recordings of the events that happened on the island surrounded by dinosaurs no longer extinct and buried under meters of earth had been spread, no one had wanted to invest their money in something that roamed alive and undisturbed on an island not so far away. His life's work had turned into a sobbing struggle for money that Alan was miserably losing.

His life had been a continuous free descent after the island. He had trouble sleeping, he hardly ever did and when in rare moments his body succumbed to fatigue, he woke up shortly after shaking and in a pool of his own sweat, the image of teeth tearing those little bodies stuck in front of his eyes, sleep was never a good idea and in just three months he had specialized in several topics he had never heard of, was always looking for something that could keep his mind busy. He hadn't told anyone about his situation, had lost weight, dragged around with black eyes and a pale complexion even in the scorching sun of the excavation sites, the only person who had had the courage to tell him to take a break it was Ellie, but inactivity wouldn't do her state any good, so she continued what she was doing.

Ian Malcolm was another problem that crowded the already considerable mass. He almost went to visit him in the hospital, but he didn't have the courage to go in and sit on the chair next to the bed, he stayed outside with one hand resting on the glass of the window that overlooked the man's room and watched him sleep. He had asked the doctors for information and once he had ascertained that Ian's life was out of danger and that he would resume the use of his leg, he had walked away silently and with his eyes down, he would not have added another weight to the man's life or nor would he have humiliated himself by trying to talk about "feelings" that were almost certainly not reciprocated. He had returned home with the promise that he would let life go on without him. He wouldn't call.

"Sir, do you have a perm-"

Alan raised his head from the bent position he was in the spacious awning, analyzing the financial balance that had been delivered to him. He just hoped that whoever was out there hadn't come to cause trouble, and with trouble he meant closing the dig.

"Can you show It to me, sir?"

Alan sighed. Whoever it was did not seem to have a permit, it seemed vaguely willing to leave. He picked up the sunglasses he had got used to wearing in order to cover the dark circles that decorated his face, put them on his nose and got up from his seat walking until he reached the end of the tent, with one hand he made his way between the fabric that did not allow him to go out and as soon as one of his two feet was outside the sun attacked him. He took a couple of steps forward looking around for the possible problem, he almost choked on his own saliva at the sight of the only figure that seemed out of place within the vast scenario, it was absolutely not possible, he could not have been there-

"Ian?"

"uhm-"

"Sir, if you don't have a permit, I'll have to ask you to leave-"

"Ian?"

Ian had not realized until that moment how much he had missed that sound, his hands trembled for a moment as they both turned their heads to observe the figure of Alan Grant, he stood still about ten meters from them with an arm half raised and his usual clothing different only in colors and the evident lack of a hat.

Ian turned back to the young man who had blocked him in his assault on the castle and grabbed his shoulder with one hand.

"Here. He's my permit."

"Sc-"

His attention was now completely and irremediably focused solely on the man who was looking at him, lowering the arm he had not realized he had raised. Was it normal for a man of his age to feel a warmth at heart level? Maybe he was having a heart attack, maybe he should just calm down and avoid fainting in front of the man.

He could feel the fabric of his shirt becoming one with the skin of his back and perhaps he would not have made a good impression as he had hoped to do, but he would have worried about that at another time, when he was not only two steps away from Alan Grant

"Alan."

"What are you doing here?"

The man's tone was low and grumpy and Ian took a step backward as if disoriented.

"I want to confess, this was not the reaction I expected."

"No? I want to confess that I didn't think I'd see you again."

Ian gasped. He should have expected it, what did he expect? He took another step back and laughed.

"Actually I think I'll go."

He couldn't see the man's eyes, but something changed in his posture, he shifted one foot and leaned forward decreasing the distance that separated them.

"He didn't mean-" he pointed to one of the mobile booths "you want to come inside?"

Ian smiled "Yes."

He was good at noticing details and that was why he didn't lose the slight upward slant of Alan's lip upon hearing his response, as well as, as he followed the shorter man, he couldn't help but continue. thinking about how he looked terribly exhausted, his shoulders slanted down and the occasionally swaying step caused by dragging his shoes against the ground, but sometimes his mind tended to confuse reality with what seemed appropriate to the situation, perhaps it was one of those cases.

The interior was designed as one might expect from an ephemeral structure used to accommodate, unusually, a single person: a bed was positioned, surmounted by a small window and flanked by a door that presumably led to the bathroom, against the wall at the extreme right of where Ian was, currently leaning against the surface of a table surrounded by two chairs, who appeared almost at the front door, his legs crossed and his gaze flowing over every surface that his eyes could observe.

Alan's hands trembled against the water bottle, this was one of the information Ian acquired and he wanted to keep in a drawer in his brain, until, unfortunately, the man lost his fragile and insufficient grip on the glass object, which fell to the ground breaking and sprinkling the floor with the liquid it previously contained. The man hastened to bend down to clear the mess that occupied the apartment, if not for that spotless detail, his hands were still shaking. Ian took a step closer and leaned next to Alan who winced dropping the glass he had collected when he felt the pressure of a hand resting on his right shoulder.

"Leave it to me mh?"

"We-"

"I'll take care of it. Go sit down."

The man tried to argue for a few seconds but then realized, he was too tired to start a conversation about why guests shouldn't be responsible for picking up a mess made of glass in others' "house", slowly got up from the floor sat down on one of the two chairs and realized that to rub his eyes with the palm of his hand as he so wished he would have to take off his sunglasses, so he did so and closed his eyes.

"Alan?"

Alan winced, he felt his eyelids weigh more than they should but didn't care, not when Ian was talking to him.

"I was- never mind, did you say something?"

Ian, who in the process had cleaned the water-sprinkled floor with a rag he had found leaning against the only island in the tiny kitchen, had risen from the floor to sit on the chair on the opposite side of the table and could not stop staring at them. which properly should not be called dark circles, it would have been simplistic to label two black furrows in that way, which surrounded Alan's eyes.

"Are you all right?"

He noticed how the man stiffened for no apparent reason.

"What do you think about it?"

"I can think about a pretty accurate set of things that are visibly wrong with you, but I'm asking you."

Alan sighed "I'm just tired."

Ian snorted almost amused "You can't lie Alan."

"I'm really tired."

"But there's more."

"There is, but you're not here for a psychological session."

"I'm not, but I could if you wanted to."

Silence. Ian wasn't often in trouble and he certainly had no trouble remembering why he was there, the moment he had been preparing for three long months, he wasn't having second thoughts, he would discuss the big deal, he just didn't know how.

"I didn't say I see a psychologist."

"I didn't say you did."

"I know."

"Well-" Ian laughed and this earned him an almost indignant look from Alan, who thought that maybe the man hadn't recovered as well as he hoped "-I was."

"What?"

"Scared."

Alan frowned and leaned forward on the table.

"I got lost along the way, help me understand why d-"

"On the island. In the car. Before the t-rex. I was scared, so much."

A look of realization crossed Alan's face "You said you weren't."

"Well, you didn't ask." Ian's right hand made a gesture almost as if to underline a fundamental piece without which he could not have connected the dots.

"Should I have done it?"

"No."

"I will."

"Mh?"

"Ask if you're scared the next time."

"You'll be alone on that adventure, because I'm done with the park of death."

Alan laughed.

"Ian?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you here?"

Ian's gaze wavered and trembled before sitting sideways, fixed on the succulent plant on the table they were currently sitting at.

"It's not a conversation you want to have now, actually, i think it's a conversation you never want to have."

"Why is that?"

"You didn't call me."

Alan looked down "So why are you here?"

"Because I had to try."

The man's gaze returned to Alan's allowing him to notice how his eyes suddenly seemed dull and tired, how his dark circles were no longer the only ones to worry about because the man he was looking at had an identical pair, yes she asked if he too was having the same difficulties.

"So?"

"What?"

"You said you had to try, do it."

Ian ran a hand through his hair playing with the curls that fell on his forehead "Actually this could be embarrassing, maybe it should-"

"Ian ..."

The man's hand ceased to torment his hair and fell back to the wooden surface of the table, he coughed once, his gaze wandering agitated in various places before landing on Alan's hands.

"I was wondering, if you were interested-" the man's fingers began to drum on the table creating a disturbing noise for a possible listener.

"Interested?"

His hands stopped moving as they rested on the light wood, his gaze suddenly no longer nervous but determined, returned to stare at Alan's face.

"Would you like to have dinner with me?"

"A-a dinner?" Alan stammered.

Ian nodded energetically before speaking again "A date, with me."

"Are you serious?"

Ian's determined gaze seemed to fall back into nervousness and embarrassment again "N-you don't have to say yes if you don't want to,clearly, n-"

Alan interrupted his barrage of words "Ian, are you serious?"

Ian frowned trying to force himself not to flee if the answer he would receive was negative, he was about to open his mouth before the other man's gaze moved away to stare at the sky beyond the window pane to their right. For someone who had had his share of dating, Ian felt he could start crying at any moment and maybe he was exaggerating, but he had never felt more nervous in his life, well- excluding every single moment in Isla Nubla, but that was another story.

"Ian?"

"Y-yes?" he was starting to sweat and stammer and the first situation was not due to the scorching sun waiting for him outside the cold air inside the house.

"Yes."

"Yes?"

Alan slipped his fingers on the smooth surface that he felt against his fingertips until he reached Ian's hand which he brushed with one of his fingers almost as if asking if he was okay with what he was doing, the man widened his eyes slightly and smiled as he he watched as their fingers intertwined, his larger hand with the paleontologist's slightly smaller one. Ian's gaze moved frantically from their hands to Alan's face where a smile was taking over the territory.

"I'll come on a date with you."

Ian smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there,  
> I don't know if it's been a month or less since my last chapter, but have I just faced a sad and surprised time? it turns out that depression doesn't allow you to write a chapter of your work.  
> I am happy to be here today to post this chapter and I really promise now I am "happy" so I will publish the last chapters more quickly. I hope you are all well and I want to thank those who are supporting me with simple comments, because you make me happy.
> 
> I need your judgment to continue, so leave me a comment to let me know if you liked the chapter or if it sucked. See you soon (hopefully)✨👋


	9. Wendy's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 𝙄𝙖𝙣 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙗𝙡𝙪𝙚 𝙚𝙮𝙚𝙨.

The afternoon sun was beating furiously on Alan's face as he climbed the stone steps of the museum, which was enough to make him regret not having brought his hat with him. The building, which he allegedly denied seeking information before reaching his destination, was made of bold gray stone with two wolf statues guarding either side of the double doors, which made no sense whatsoever to him. , what did wolves have to do with paleontology? Word had reached him, it could be repetitive, not because he had read an internal book about it on one of his sleepless nights, of a story about the wolves that protected the city when it was little more than a village, one of those legends handed down to make people smile children and to give an excuse to carve wolves, of course.

Once he reached the end of the stairs he forced himself to drag the soles of his shoes against the floor until he stopped in order to observe the environment: the library was large with several floors and they had not talked about a meeting place, in fact, they had not discussed anything, in all likelihood, Ian could have decided not to show up and leave him there as a fool. He checked his watch, it was still ten minutes to five, the other was not known to be early or punctual, so Alan doubted he'd already be there, stepped aside, next to one of the wolves, the thing it was quite massive, with its head reaching up to his chest and at a time when he was feeling quite entranced by it, he let his hand slide against the wolf's muzzle, feeling the texture of the smooth stone.

"Are you stroking the wolf?" said a voice in the middle of the steps.

Alan mentally cursed at how much the other person caught him off guard, before turning to watch the show Ian was putting on as he made his way towards him with a broad grin on his face, hands busy holding two drinks and wearing tight leather pants that had turned a couple of heads, Alan quickly lowered his hand to his hip as he continued to wonder if he should roll his eyes or drool. One sure topic he should have focused on was the drinks which, now that his mind wasn't busy imploding at the image of those two leather-bound legs, he could see more clearly, came from some kind of fast food restaurant, he should have known. that Ian would be a fast food guy, that he never thought there could be in a town like that, on the other hand he didn't even think there was a museum, then.

"Have you read a lot of romance novels growing up? I think you take the nice quiet guy too seriously-" Ian said, after reaching where Alan was reaching out to pass him one of the glasses "Say goodbye to your wolf friend , let's go in."

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Alan said, shaking the glass that had just been handed to him.

"Thanks Ian, for bringing me such a delicious drink. Oh no, It was my pleasure Alan-"  
Ian had changed his position and tone of voice to interpret the two different figures who should have been having this conversation.

This time Alan wasn't in doubt about what to do, he rolled his eyes but tilted one corner of his lips up "Idiot."

Ian laughed and placed a hand on the shorter man's lower back leading him through the entrance to the ticket booth.

"When I said 'surprise me' I didn't understand that I would leave the excavation to enter another."

Ian put a hand to his heart, bending his knees imperceptibly to pretend that it had troubled him deeply.

"Are you trying to get rid of your pile of bones?"

"Not exactly..."

"Oh?"

"They are the ones who are trying to get rid of me."

"Not even the bones wanted you-"

"Did you say something?"

"No."

They took their tickets and walked to the first room.

"Why we are here?"

"Don't pretend you don't like it, I saw your eyes shine next to that friend of yours-"

"Friend?"

"The wolf. Alan you have to keep up with the conversation-" Ian snorted pretending to be annoyed as if it was obvious that the stone statue should be referred to as a friend "-it's going to be awesome."

"I can not wait..."

Ian ignored him to concentrate on climbing the flight of stairs in front of him which Alan had already walked three steps, did not know he had signed up to climb, had already strained his leg when he had effortlessly walked the steps that separated him from the entrance. He gritted his teeth trying to get out of his mind how much the edges of the scar were pulling and to keep up with the clearly enthusiastic paleontologist, he expected he would run into difficulties along the way, what he did not expect was that life would decide to rage against him, was the only and strong thought that had occupied every cave of his brain at the sight of another flight of stairs which, from his point of view, seemed impassable.

"You're joking, right..."

"What?"

Alan's gaze was on him, his shoulders stretched out in his direction, his neck stretched to check behind him.

"I wasn't talking to you-"

"Who were you talking to?"

"With the stairs-"

"With the stairs?"

"Yeah-" Ian gritted his teeth as he put a hand on the railing to support himself in his climb "-I may have underestimated them." he pointed to his leg as he pushed to take another step.

"I thought you were doing fine."

"Well, you know what they say about those who presume-"

"No, I do not know."

Ian shivered at how close the sound of Alan's voice was suddenly, his eyes traced the entire figure of the man, who had come back to reach him with an outstretched arm, up to the face where a faint hint of a smile He was waiting.

"I will not be the one who will unravel the mystery-" hesitantly met the man's gaze once more before accepting the support he was offered "I think I'll accept the crutch, metaphorical is clear-"

Alan rolled his eyes.

Ian knew he owed distinguished and future thanks to his brain for deciding to put aside the idea of boring museums and replace it instead with the brilliant plan of visiting one, when the reigning silence was interrupted by constant talk about what they met on their way along the almost empty halls of the building. He found himself unable to interrupt the river of words that flowed from Alan's lips and with a smile that he seemed not to want to leave, he kept himself only one step away from the other, with the sole intention of being able to look at and better memorize each little detail that could have escaped him, he had not yet decided if what he liked most were the two red spots that had colored the paleontologist's cheeks or how cute his hands were waving during the explanation, perhaps it was the angle of the lips constantly pulled up or maybe it was the eyes, a constant light that had been on since Ian had seen him at the entrance and had never left. He hadn't paid attention to a single word the man said, but there was so much he could see and catalog that Ian wouldn't blame anyone who focused more on Alan than on what Alan said.

"Do I have something on my face?"

Ian closed his eyes and opened them again, he was so lost in his thoughts that he had not noticed that the man had turned to look at him, his smile did not fall.

"You are beautiful."

He saw Alan's eyes roll and an embarrassed smile break through his face.

"Stop that-"

Each resumed their task, talking and observing, and if Alan's hand had slowly come up to wrap around his wrist, he wouldn't have raised the subject.

-

Ian had never been one for mini golf, he understood how it worked, in theory he could make the correct calculations on where and how hard he would have to hit the ball to predict where it would later land, but in practice it was a nightmare, a nightmare that led him to swear at the windmill every time he rejected his attempts at victory.

Just like hiz past relationships, no matter how hard she tried to think or calculate, she almost never succeeded in either. Alan was obnoxiously good.

He was standing with the club clutched in his hands next to the paleontologist who wore a coat he was hiding, Ian was almost certain, one of his flannel shirts, protecting him from the passage of the cold autumn air.

"You're paying too much attention to it." was what Alan said as Ian tried to calculate the exact moment he needed to hit the ball.

"Shut up, you are breaking my concentration."

"I can help-"

"No, you can't. I could work for NASA if I wanted to. I can certainly play minigolf." Ian told him, raising his hand to keep Alan from approaching.

"It's not exactly rocket science-"

"Exactly." he finally chose the moment he assumed would be perfect and hit the ball which shot towards the windmill before being blown away like the last three times.

"No! It was perfect. This game is rigged-"

Alan walked over to stop any excessive protest the other had anticipated and held both of Ian's thin hips in his hands.

"Relax and let me help you-"

"I don't need help. I'm the one with a working knowledge of physics and geometry-" he blurted even as Alan positioned himself behind him.

"I'm the one who hit the hole every time, except when you stuck your bat between my legs to cheat-"

"I. Don't. Cheat."

"You were obviously cheating. The ten-year-old who caught you said so."

"I was just offsetting the odds." Ian retorted.

"I'm still winning even though you cheated." Alan said grabbing the tallest man's wrists to force him to swing his club.

The ball made its way through the night sky before passing right through the hole at the base of the windmill.

"Thank God. Longest round of minigolf in history. Those middle school kids made it all the way in half the time. Shall we go get some tacos? There's this new place opening up nearby." was what Alan said starting to walk away.

"I would have gotten it myself," Ian insisted.

"I will not object, come in", said Alan opening the passenger door to pick up the man who was still thinking about the possible cause that had prevented him from succeeding in that stupid and pathetic "game", he slipped into his seat and could see through the window glass the other shaking his head and smiling.

"The only reason I'm so good at minigolf is because I worked there for a summer, between a seminar and an apprenticeship, I could play it with my eyes closed-" he sat in the driver's seat, gave a round of keys and the car engine signaled its starting "-I didn't think you would turn down help and be so competitive."

"Competitive, that's what I am."

"Forgive me for forgetting one of your most deserving qualities."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

Ian snorted and glanced to his right "I knew no one could be that good at mini golf-"

Alan laughed.

-

The phone rang (because damn how you describe a call without making the situation strange) at the very moment that Ian's head started to dangle down, the light coming from the screens of the two computers he was working on were the only which had prevented him from falling asleep, that and the annoying ringing of the telephone, which forced him to get up tripping over the cables scattered in the living room of his apartment.

"Dr. Malcolm ..."

"I feel the professionalism in this answer."

"Alan?"

"Were you expecting more phone calls?"

Ian snorted, rubbing both eyes still sleepy with his only available hand "I wasn't expecting yours- not that it's not fantastic sent-" he caught his breath "-you need something?"

"Can you come to pick me up?"

Ian moved the device's handset away from his face to check if the call was actually in progress or if his sleep deprivation, which lasted approximately two days, was confusing him.

"Ian? Are you still there?"

He hastened to answer bringing the device back to its place "Alan? It might escape you, but we don't-" the deafening sound of what appeared to be a communication on a loudspeaker made him stop "Alan, where did you say you are?"

"To the airport."

"Which airport?"

"Should be Aust's-"

Ian's eyes widened before he could even process a "Are you here?"

"Not for long unless you come and get me-"

"I'm coming."

He hung up. I will retrieve the car keys along with those of his apartment, he hurried to leave the house and get into the car, realizing too late that he had not asked for information on which side of the airport the man was and that perhaps the only one pair of gray sweatpants he owned, dangling at one side, and a sweatshirt from the university where he works, weren't the best clothing choice to impress a man, not to mention the red spot that covered half of his cheek caused by pressure of whatever object it was pressed on, but when Alan Grant decides to take a plane for you, your priorities are simply put elsewhere.

How much Ian hated idealizations was not so simple to describe in a single chapter, just think that when he found himself stuck in the persistent traffic of the highway he had to take to reach the airport, he mentally retraced every single film he had seen, because in similar scenarios the apartment was not located thirty minutes from the goal to be reached, nor were they stuck along the road, lying so blatantly would not have benefited anyone in real life.

Maybe his irritation had affected his journey and maybe, because Ian was sure that the time elapsed could not be changed by the mood, it had made him believe that he had been standing in that road car for longer than he actually was. past, but he would not have thought too much about it, he had reached his destination and could clearly distinguish the figure of the man for whom he was there among the people who engaged the airport. Ian might have had a certain favoritism for the paleontologist, but he was sure in that day there were nobody prettier than the man wrapped in a black jacket that covered almost his entire figure, sunglasses fixed on the bridge of his nose and the hood pulled up to protect himself from the fog that had risen that morning. The smile he had lost due to previous events made its way back to his face as Alan, who had looked up and recognized him, started walking in his direction, duffel in one hand, and a dedicated smile to him.

"You are here.", Ian said as they faced each other.

"I'm here-" Alan seemed to think about what he should say, before filling the single step of distance that separated them. "-can i?"

Ian nodded quickly not fully understanding what he was accepting but granting whatever kind of permission the other might need. He didn't have time to think further about what the consequences would be as, as those words left his mouth one of Alan's hands wrapped around his neck pressing down to push him down and press their lips together. Dilated pupils and suspended hands that he could not position, Ian was paralyzed, the sound of the hundreds of voices reaching him now like a muffled noise, the only thing he wanted to focus on was the warm lips pressed against his, the pleasant tingling coming from from the hand that Alan held tight against his shirt to be able to stand on tiptoe and bridge the difference in height without wavering, he felt that same hand loosen its grip and this made him recover from the stupor he had entered. He hooked both arms against the back of the shorter man dragging him towards him in order to prevent him from retreating, felt a smile against his lips and allowed himself, making sure that the moment was real, to close his eyes and bask in that sweet heat until a thud, caused by the bag Alan had dropped, made them separate.

"Um-I didn't see it coming." was the first thing Ian managed to say as he watched the hands trying to fix the fabric they had previously held between their fingers.

"Is that okay?"

He looked away from the hands that had stopped their frantic movements and now rested against his chest, and found himself trapped in two pools of blue water staring at him, a flash of uncertainty fixed in them.

"Yes. More than okay.", They both smiled and before Ian could bend down to retrieve the luggage, Alan had already held him in his arms and was watching him with a clearly amused look.

"I have my chance to comment on your way of dressing."

"Make the most of it, because it will be the only one you will have - and then when would I judge your clothes?"

Alan raised an eyebrow as if the answer was clearly visible "Do you want to tell me you like my shirts? My hat? I -"

Ian put a hand to the back of his neck to pretend he suddenly had to look up at something "No need to list them, maybe I don't agree with some, and then again, some stylistic choices, but I like your shirts-"

"Really?"

"Shouldn't we go?"

Ian turned away feeling unable to continue arguing without enough rest hours, tilted his head just to check that Alan was following him, and had the shameless luck to witness the scene of the man raising his right hand to run his fingers over the lips still tingling from the previous exchange. He smiled.

"Your apartment is-" As soon as they both walked through the door of the apartment and Ian turned to insert the key in the lock and lock the door, Alan took a couple of steps to look around and examine the larger one. room of the house, the living room "-just like you."

"Fascinating? Dark? Charismatic?"

Alan rolled his eyes and Ian worried about how many headaches the repetition of that action must bring him.

"I was going to say self-centered."

The room in question was actually a very normal structure: the walls were gray, two sofas were placed against two different walls not too far from each other, a large oval mirror surmounted one of the two pieces of furniture, a black square table, the surface of which accommodated various plants and under which a large carpet was spread, was placed in the center of the room, flanked by a lamp. A completely normal room, maybe there were some plants and a combination of colors that not everyone would like in their apartment, maybe the carpet was too showy, but otherwise it was a common room in a common apartment.

"I don't think anyone can use this word to describe an apartment."

"Well, maybe they weren't in your-" Ian didn't have time to warn the paleontologist before he stumbled upon a pot arranged, at least according to the owner, in a strategically visible way "-and who owns so many plants?"

"Are you offending my plants?"

"I wouldn't call it offending, just no-"

Ian raised a hand as he bent to check for any damage done to one of his plants.

"I'll stop you right there, don't finish that sentence if you don't want to find yourself outside my apartment."

Alan approached the other man still intent on 'calming' the affected plant "Are you serious?"

"Very serious."

The warmth of two hands pressing against his shoulders forced Ian, still kneeling, to turn his head in the direction of the man who currently stands above him, his lips drawn in a welcoming smile.

"Did I ever tell you how much I like plants?"

Ian threw his head back, unable to contain the laughter that Alan's sentence had generated.

"You didn't, you should talk about it."

They had talked for a long time about why having so many plants in an apartment, Alan had nine in the living room alone, was indispensable for a man's happy life, Ian had made it a historical matter and he had forced himself to continue to indulge the mathematician in his, not so strange "passion". Ian looked happy, with the smile that hadn't fallen even for a moment since his arrival, except for the few moments when the life of a plant was threatened and Alan was happy because the other man was, nothing more. . Maybe he liked Ian more than he was willing to admit right now, but he would worry about it later.

Ian had ordered sushi, because he wouldn't have accepted that Alan had never bothered to try, he had laughed when the other had tried to manipulate the two thin wooden rods just to hide his expression when he received a look that said "nothing. shit "by the man in distress who had promptly received, along with his wands, in his lap and had shown him how to use them, receiving in return a blow in the eye and one on the forehead from those deadly weapons before Alan miraculously managed to put something in his stomach. They had both felt more relaxed at their second glass of wine and Ian had had to straighten his leg as the scar began to pull, at which the man perched on his lap started, muttering awkward apologies, to walk away before he was stopped by two arms wrapped around his chest that dragged him to his appointed place for the evening.

Alan was the first victim of the boring, but important, documentary about plants that he couldn't figure out how the man managed to find on television, Ian watched him sleep curled up against him before deciding to be responsible and extricating himself from the body of the man. man to get up and clean the room carefully and silently.

He gathered every single container of take-out food in her arms to head to the kitchen, freezing when one escaped her, not so firm, grip causing a slight noise that did not seem to disturb the man on the sofa, sighed and threw in an envelope the accumulated debris before tiptoeing back into the living room and watching Alan sleep, he could do it all night, observe and learn every little feature of the other's relaxed face, yet he couldn't allow himself to assume that the man would have liked to stay.

"Alan.", He whispered before kneeling next to the sofa put a hand through the man's hair and start stroking it gently. Alan stirred briefly before opening his eyes imperceptibly.

"Hi-" Ian said.

Alan smiled "Did I fall asleep?" he said in response as Ian smiled and brushed a lock of hair from the man's face who seemed embarrassed as he muttered, "Sorry."

"We had a moon day-" Ian leaned over to leave a kiss in the center of Alan's forehead "-and you are lovely when you sleep."

And even half awake, Alan rolled his eyes. Ian leaned over again to leave another kiss in a different position than the first time. "I'm sorry I had to wake you up."

Alan took a deep breath and closed his eyes, turned his face to touch one of Ian's cheeks with his nose and received another kiss, this time at the corner of his lips.

"It's okay," he finally whispered, and Ian kissed him again arriving at his final destination, Alan's lips.

"There's a toothbrush for you in the bathroom, if you want to stay-" Ian said and when the other didn't answer right away, he continued: "I understand if you don't want to."

Alan laughed, then, silently and affectionately replied, "Don't be silly. I'll stay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,  
> my God, my absences is very long and yet here I am. I am not satisfied at all with the content of this chapter, but i like it and I hope you like it too, so comment and let me know if you like it or not, if you want me to add something or change something. If you want to see pictures of what I have described just go to wattpad and look for "Crawl" TaigaBane, at the end of the ninth chapter there are pictures. Thanks a lot to whoever is reading, see you soon (hopefully)


	10. Wide Eyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️NOTICE: This chapter contains sexual scenes, if you don't want to read skip the first few paragraphs. I left a space to divide the scene in question from the rest of the chapter, so you can't go wrong.⚠️

Ian wouldn't pretend he didn't employ a reasonable section of his thinking about what Alan would be like in bed. It was hard not to do that as in their first meeting the man had addressed him with such authority that it almost made him put away his bravado, and even though he had never really decided what the paleontologist's exact preferences for sex would be, he felt he had to establish that two things were a fact:

One, Alan would be as confident in bed as he was everywhere.

Two, Alan was definitely not going to talk in bed.

Having decided that those two things were a fact, this didn't prepare Ian for what turned out to be the third fact:

Alan was a sloppy, needy, dirty-mouthed bum.

"I want to feel you in my fucking throat for a week." Was the only warning Ian got before the man got down on his knees.

Ian was so shocked, that all he could do was moan and fall back onto the bed, Alan swallowed it all the way down and moaned as if he was getting his cock sucked, at which Ian moaned again and dropped his hands on his back of man's head "Okay?" he asked as he tried to block any movement he wanted to make.

Alan walked away with a trickle of saliva that connected his lips to Ian's stomach "Pull my hair. I'll take care of the rest." was the only thing he said before swallowing it again, letting Ian tighten a firm grip on his hair, then he walked away with the dirtiest sip the mathematician had ever heard and lowered his head to lick Ian's balls.

"Yes, fuck." Ian said "Yes.", who arched as Alan licked the seam on his sack before sniffing all the way to the base of his cock again, walking away only to say another phrase that made Ian's poor heart jump:

"Do you want to fuck me?"

"Jesus," Ian sighed "Fuck it."

"Is that a yes?"

"That's a big fucking yes," Ian said, proud not to stammer. Alan moaned and crawled along the other man's body kissing his abdomen, ribs and breastbone before eagerly sucking on her nipples and finally reaching his mouth. The kiss was an absolute disaster in many technical points, but so artistically dirty that it was rated a ten out of ten. Alan moaned into his mouth and became wonderfully flexible as Ian took the lead, grabbing the other man's biceps to push him onto his back, dragging his tongue hard against the man's.

"If it's too much tell me," Ian said as he reached out to retrieve lube and a condom from the drawer next to the bed.

"Come here," Alan replied, and the needy groan in his voice made him sway briefly.

Ian lubricated his shaking fingers and leaned over the torso of the man lying beneath him, to press his mouth on his cock as he reached out to rub two fingers against Alan's hole as he gasped at the sensation of something foreign approaching him. .  
Ian wasn't exactly aware of the time he was going by or the actions he was taking, he didn't quite understand how he managed to properly prepare the man while he continued to genre obscene.

Alan threw his head back pressing himself against the soft mattress letting himself breathe deeply "I want you to fuck me so hard that tomorrow you can feel it in your legs. I want to sit on your knees and ride your cock and masturbate on myself while you watch and I want to make you hard again so you can cum on my face. "

Ian felt this was the way and time he would die, from a couple of unexpected dirty talk from a paleontologist. He knew when he tried to think about Alan and sex that reality wouldn't be quite like his imagination, but this was far from anything he could ever think of.

"You'll kill me—" Ian exhaled as he crawled to the end of the bed to get onto his back.

Alan followed instantly, opening the condom package and yanking Ian a couple of times before rolling the condom over his cock. She straddled the man who was still struggling to find her position and arched back, rubbing his crease all the way down Ian's cock "I'll feel so good ..." was the last thing. consistent that Alan would have said before lifting his hips, grabbing Ian's cock with one hand putting it in place and pressing down so that the whole head slides in at once.

"Easy, easy," Ian tried to calm him as he watched the pain, then the bliss cross Alan's face "I don't want to hurt you."

"I want it," replied the other. "I want it. I want it. I want it," he hummed as he pushed down again, taking Ian firmly in the ass. "Fuck, it's so long-"

Ian couldn't held back a stunned giggle that escaped his control "I don't know ..." is what he managed to say about his scheduled speech before Alan with a loud moan took the remainder of the length touching the bottom, at which Ian let his hands slipped on the man's thighs to grab his hips in a tight grip that wouldn't allow Alan to move until he made sure he was in pain "Are you okay?"

The only thing it got in change was a steady gaze, filled with desire and need.

"I want you to like it," Ian replies.

Alan grinded on his knees before placing both open palms of his hands against Ian's chest, against which he braced himself in his movements "I'll like it if you fuck me like you don't care if I like it."

Ian took one last look in Alan's eyes to make sure he was really okay with what he was asking before inhaling and proceeding "You want it that way, huh?" he was surprised at his own words and tone. "Do you want me to show you how you should get fucked all the time because you are so damn needy?"

"Yes. Do it. Fuck me like that."

He let go of all fear, buried his fingers in Alan's hips and pulled him up, then slammed his hips behind him, lowered them pulling with him the man sitting on top of him, making him take up his entire length.

"Yes, so," Alan hissed, shifting his weight so that he could meet the hard and deep thrusts of Ian, who was keeping a slow motion to start, which ended when the man threw his head back and screamed in delight. while Ian slammed him back on his cock pulling himself out until only the head of his cock remained buried in Alan's ass "Do you want everything?" he asked, trembling with the effort of staying still.

"Give it to me," Alan said, and it came out more like an incomprehensible lament than words. "I want it. Fuck me."

Ian waited just another second to witness the way despair began to etch in Alan's features, before pulling him down and lifting his hips straight up, hearing Alan scream and squeeze his ass, and the last bit of control. of Ian crumbled. He fucked Alan as hard and fast as he can, swearing under his breath when this last one grabbed his own cock and started jerking off, hitting him again and again, watching the way the other can barely stand, but keep on to scream, squirm and beg for more. He should have seen it coming, in the way Alan's last scream was different from the others, but when he felt the man come on his chest and his ass tighten as he came, he found himself totally unprepared and could only moan and keep pushing. until it came less than a minute later, in a frenzied orgasm.

He is only semi-conscious when Alan slumps against his chest and starts licking the remnants of his coming, and it's so damn arousing that Ian manages to pull him up for a kiss and taste it, the man chuckled and ran his fingers between Ian's hair "Did you like it?"

"Oh yeah, I'm definitely a fan," he managed to get out before tossing the condom into the bin next to the bed.

"Good," Alan replied, leaning against Ian's team as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "Because I wasn't joking about you coming on my face."

Ian moaned and laughed before kissing the top of Alan's head "Greedy, isn't it?"

"Oh, absolutely,"

"I have no notes," Ian said and fell asleep to the sound of Alan's laughter.

Something bothered Ian during one of the few nights he had been able to relax without terrifying scenes invading his mind, he had been awake for a few moments and everything seemed to be in its place, nothing that gave the impression that something was wrong, and then she heard it, a gasp followed by the typical disgusting sound of retching. He took a deep breath as he pulled the blankets away from his still numb body, the cold air of the apartment met his body covered only by the undergarment, he hurried to put his feet on the floor to get up and slipped with noisy steps towards the bathroom. He forced himself to be prepared for the acrid smell of vomit that greeted him as he burst into the bathroom; Alan, his body shivering, was slumped against the floor with his head bowed from the toilet.

The positive side of having children is that they prepare you for such situations. Ian knew exactly what his children would expect their father to do, and when he knelt on the floor beside the still shaking body, he hoped the same would apply to any older paleontologist. He made sure that the other was aware of his presence before daring a move and placing one of his hands against the man's back, who sighed at the contact with Ian's still warm skin. He didn't pretend to try calling Alan's name or trying to get an answer, because he knew he wouldn't get it. They remained in the same position, with his hand sliding in circular movements trying to soothe at least part of the other's discomfort, for the next fifteen minutes, the only noise filling the dense silence was the reassuring words that Ian was whispering, sometimes obscured by the throat of the man who contracted. He felt the worst part was over when he finally managed to reach Alan's shining eyes, who had raised his head to rest it with a sigh against Ian's forearm.

"Hi-" got no verbal response, which was replaced by the tired look the man was running across his face "Is it better? Was it something we ate?"

Ian did not know exactly what had caused the panicked look the other was giving him, but the confusion continued to keep him company when Alan got to his feet and staggered out of the cockpit leaving him stunned on the cold ceramic floor. He could hear obvious noises from his bedroom and it was this that prompted him to get up and go check.

"Alan?"

Ian's expression became even more confused at the scene of the man he had seen completely boned just before, buttoning his shirt with quick clicks, his pants already lining the lower part of his body.

"What are you doing?"

This did not stop the man in his movements. He left the room with his eyes pointed downwards followed by the figure of the taller man who froze as Alan bent down to retrieve the shoes he had left careless in the living room a few hours earlier.

"Can you stop?" It didn't seem that his words were serving to block the man's movements.

"It was a mistake."

Ian could distinctly feel his heart skip a beat before resuming his frantic "What?"

"I shouldn't have come."

"What are you saying?"

"Everything since I met you has gone awful-" Ian was not prepared for the figure of Alan approaching him with a threatening area, a finger pointing in his direction, took a step back "-first the sole , then Ellie, then my dig was closed? did you know that? - "a mocking laugh left the man's lips and this made him take another step back" - I guess not."

"You're just unfair-" she didn't seem to have heard him.

"And you want to know the best thing? -" the man nullified the distance Ian had put between them looking at him from top to bottom "- you act like you care, but we both know it will never be like that. "

A hand seemed to have clenched Ian's sobbing heart in a fist.

"You know what? Fuck you!"

He pushed a hand against Alan's chest to push him away from him "Fuck you. None of this is my fault, how could it? I'm sorry you missed the dig, but that doesn't justify your behavior-"

The paleontologist walked away.

"I'm leaving."

Ian didn't dignify him with an answer. He looked away from the painful scene of the man prowling the apartment to lift his travel bag and head for the door. He hadn't seen it coming, he couldn't understand how he could have been so wrong about a person, the night before when he looked into his eyes he could have sworn that he saw something, that it was not even remotely close to what it was just happened, he was trying to convince himself that he had imagined it all, yet the words were still there, imprinted in his mind, as was the sound of the front door slamming. Silence was all that was left with him in his apartment. He shuffled his feet towards the massive wood of the door, knew he would have to take the opposite direction but couldn't get away, put a hand against the smooth surface and did the same with his forehead before slowly sliding down and letting it go. the tears she had been holding flowed free against her cheeks, she closed her eyes and let out a shaking breath.

The sound of stifled sobs made him wonder about his current mental abilities, but everything reached him muffled his body was slowly detaching itself from the reality around him, perhaps to ease the inner pain he was feeling, he honestly wasn't interested in explaining in detail which was his state, he was in no condition to adequately describe anything, he could have survived for days without forcing himself to have to erase what he felt, but then he heard it, a scream. His eyes widened as he managed to refocus the entrance to the apartment and the faint hiss that had accompanied every single sound stopped, every single one.

The muscle in his body was tense ready to snap if something happened and it was at that moment that he realized that the anguished cry he had heard was coming from outside. He reached out to grab on to the only grip, the door handle, which he had made available and try to force his body to head upward without having to rely completely on his legs which seemed to have stiffened perhaps to prevent him from trying. to get up.

The instant the door no longer obstructed his view, allowing him to actually verify who the sound belonged to, every sensation he had previously felt abandoned him, hesitantly taking the first steps that allowed him to come into contact with the gravel of the driveway that it would lead him to the paved road, the rain had begun to hit his shoulders, and by the time his eyes associated an identity with the contours of the figure, which appeared blurred due to the lack of glasses and the rain beating out, slumped in the middle of the street, he knew he would run. He couldn't shout Alan's name, he didn't even think he would be able to breathe properly, everything about his being seemed secondary to him, the lack of clothes, the freezing rain that hit him, the only thing that mattered was reaching the road and when the time came Ian slowed down and while his leg was sending strong signals, he grabbed the man's shirt with the firm grip of both hands trying to drag him away from his position as he continued to kick and scream .

At the precise moment he managed to get them both to the curb, a couple of lights illuminated them and he could distinctly hear the sound of a speeding car crossing the street at the exact spot where he had found Alan's curled up body and when he was doing crawling his hands over the man's body to check that no harm had been done to him and wondering why he should decide to have a breakdown in the middle of the road, he finally understood.

"Oh my God, oh my God-" she reached the man's face and grabbed him with both hands joining their foreheads, they were both soaked and Ian's vision was almost zero, now obstructed even by the hair that had fallen to form a sort of curtain "-you're fine, you're fine, you're fine ..."

Alan kept crying and somewhere in the middle of repeating his constant litany, Ian had joined him. If he came out only a few seconds later, he would no longer be able to feel the life flow in the body he was holding in his arms, if he came out a few seconds later, Alan would be hit, he would die and he would be clutching a corpse-

"Malcolm? Ian? Is that you?"

Ian jerked his head around and tried to understand that he was calling his name, scanned the neighborhood until he saw a silhouette on the porch of one of the houses.

"Is everything okay? Should I call an ambulance?"

"No-" his voice was too low, he raised his tone to overpower the sound of the rain "No! It's okay, I had a problem, I'm coming back!"

He would not have convinced even the most foolish of fools, but it was the middle of the night and this seemed to be reason enough for the figure to leave the scene and return to the house.

"I'll take us inside-" Ian tried to rearrange their bodies so that he could lay the man's limp figure against him and lift him in relative safety with a single labored breath, he checked that no car had decided to pass at that moment. and headed home, ignoring the stones that kept pressing against the soles of his feet. The door of the house was left wide open, it was easy for them to go through and close it behind, blocking the sound of falling water. He would not have known how to describe the passage of time correctly, his mind was too busy being in a confused state to think about anything else, just as he did not remember exactly what happened that night, he could visualize fragments that showed him how he had opened the bathtub valve not being able to drag and hold both of them upright in the shower, as if he had stripped Alan of all his clothes before he immersed them both in hot water trying to scrub any part that seemed to him to have lost too much heat , he had pulled the man's still still body to his chest and waited for their body temperature to rise.

"I'm sorry."

Already. Alan had repeated it a few times during the fateful night, but frankly Ian was exhausted, every single energy he still had left him when he had dried and carried them, for what would be the last time on that fateful night, Alan to the bed where he had covered him with the duvet he had not yet had a chance to take out of the closet, sat against the headboard and he had allowed himself to close his eyes for a few minutes. He wanted so badly to rest his tired mind for a few hours, but he wouldn't, not with the possibility that the man next to him could disappear at any moment. He should have scheduled a session with his physiotherapist, he had not been able to listen to the signals his body had sent him all the time he had had to carry loads unrelated to his mass and now he was paying the price, he did not know if the day next he would be able to move without limping.

"I'm sorry."

Was it really annoying how Alan didn't take her silence as a warning sign, why did he keep repeating it?

"Alan-"

"Ian, I'm sorry."

God.

"Because?"

Silence. Great, he wanted a conversation and he didn't give him the same courtesy in return, maybe he would have to wait until morning to ask him that question. He reached out to run it through Alan's still damp hair that he felt stiffen for a few seconds before relaxing at his touch, he needed to know that the man was still there by his side.

"It's okay, we can talk tomorrow."

"I'm sorry."

"Can you just close your eyes and sleep?" perhaps the irritated tone he had let out hadn't helped to reassure either of us, but he hadn't been able to restrain himself, he searched with his right hand for the glasses he kept on the nightstand next to the bed, his eyes hurt from the lack of them, she rubbed her lids before putting the lenses back in place.

"I won't sleep-"

"Alan-"

"I won't sleep, because I might see them again-"

Ian stopped his movements to reflect on the information he had just acquired before continuing to stroke Alan's hair.

"It's okay, we can not sleep together."

There were no more words spoken by either side for the remaining hours of darkness, Ian's eyelids had started to shake begging him to let them close and he almost gave in, but then he turned his head and looked straight into the wide eyes of Alan and a new determination had made its way into him, he became convinced that keeping his eyes open would push away what the previous events had, but when the first rays of the sun hit his tired irises he could still feel the hard asphalt of the road that it had scratched his knees and almost certainly the soles of his feet, the rain beating off his bodies, would have been a hellish day. He sighed at the pressure applied to the left side of the mattress and tilted his chin to watch Alan's naked body getting up to slowly approach his closet, where he watched him rummage until he found something that apparently satisfied him, turned to look at him with a look that contained an unspoken question and Ian almost smiled when he noticed how the figure of the man, who was walking out of the room, drowned in his clothes. Reluctantly he got out of bed, covered himself with the clothes he had left laid out on a chair for the same day, and with stiff movements set about following the other's steps that led him predictably to the kitchen where he leaned against the door jamb to observe Alan who was struggling to find kitchen utensils with one hand, while holding a carton of eggs in the other, he seemed to be fine.

He did not come near the scene, he walked away to sit at the kitchen table waiting for the man to finish preparing whatever he planned to do, he did not know how he should behave, in addition to the too vivid images crowding his mind, they were unpleasant things were said and would not overshadow them in favor of a pleasant day. He looked up when two plates and silverware were placed on the surface of the table, waited for Alan to start eating before doing the same thing and when they were both finished Ian crossed his arms over his chest.

"How long before you'll talk with me?"

He saw how Alan's eyes avoided looking at him and preferred instead to rest on undefined points in the room.

"I'm sorry."

Ian snorted unable to restrain himself "I don't want your apologies-" at this the man looked up to scrutinize him "-I want to know what happened last night."

He waited until the other felt comfortable, without exerting any kind of pressure, even though he wanted to yell at him, but then he thought he wouldn't get much out of it.

"I don't sleep often and when I do I see things-" Alan rubbed both hands against his face before continuing "- horrible things and I don't want to close my eyes, but sometimes I'm so relaxed that I think if I did I wouldn't see anything, but that's never the case. Nobody wants to fund excavations anymore, not a single person, Ellie gave up on try again, she has her future husband to think about- "a light laugh" -and did you hear she's pregnant? I'm so glad she got what she wanted, but i don't know what to do and if i can't find someone i finance, I'll lose my apartment- "finally Alan looked at him" -I don't know why I said the things I said last night, but I know why I did what I did ... "

"Fuck."

Alan laughed "Yeah."

"Why didn't you say anything? If not to me to anyone else."

"And what should I have said? I'm going crazy and I'm on the verge of the astric, help me?"

"And would it have been worse than it is now?"

Alan didn't answer and Ian just wanted to scream at not being made aware of the situation, his mind was thinking about the variety of things he could process as a continuation of the discussion, but he couldn't decide which would be appropriate.

"You can stay with me."

Alan's eyes widened before projecting into those of the man who had just spoken as if he had heard nothing of what he had been told.

"You can not be serious."

"Why not? I know I'm not very good company, I could be loud sometimes obnoxious and I don't know how you can fix your shit because I have problems, but you can start here."

"You can not be serious."

"I'm not anyone's first choice, but there's no problem with you staying here even if you don't want to date me anymore-"

"You can not be serious."

"I'm offering, and I won't deny that I don't like being with people for too long, but you can stay anywhere you want-"

Alan rose from his seat, walked around the table that separated them, and reached out to make contact with the skin of Ian's cheek.

"Ian no, please-" he swallowed to take a moment for himself "-if I could go back I would do things differently, but I can't, I can't undo the things I said, you shouldn't let someone talk to you like that , neither I nor anyone else, you don't deserve it- "he raised his other hand to put it on the opposite cheek and be able to look the man in the eye" -you are the best thing that has happened to me in years and I know I'm selfish, but I need you to forgive me, because I want to have a relationship with you and I want- "

"Shh-" Ian wrapped Alan with both of his arms spread his legs and dragged him in the middle, tight against his chest "-I forgive you, I'm so angry, but it will be alright, stay here, with me."

"I'll stay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,  
> I know it takes a little time to write a chapter and publish it because it's a pastime for me and I can't spend every day doing it, but I don't understand why people don't express their opinion, I notice that the number of readings goes up, but no one reviews. I mean, in the last chapter I had only one review, and I can't understand if the story is going well or not, so kindly I ask you to give your opinion. See you soon ✨


	11. 'How do you like, your eggs in the morning?'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮.  
> 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧.

Christmas 1994: 

Legitimate work was much more rewarding when thinking about your empty apartment didn't constantly pester you, convincing you that time was moving on without you.

Ian sighed and rubbed a hand over his tired face, putting the door key in the lock. The front door opened with an appropriate groan and the man quickly entered and closed it behind him before taking off his shoes at the entrance and dropping his business bag at his feet.

The hot air pinched his skin in contrast to the cold December night he had just escaped from, Ian chuckled and took a moment to appreciate Alan's complete disregard for their electricity bill. His nose wrinkled as the smell of food reached his position, followed by the notes of a song that he seemed to be recognizing as familiar, he didn't have to investigate for long to pinpoint its origin: the kitchen.

He began to move in the direction of the room where he knew he would find the other occupant of the apartment, his feet aching and shod, smiled when he crossed the threshold of the door and leaned against the door jamb to fully enjoy the view that was shown in front of him : Alan was standing by the stove, mixing a yellowish substance in a bowl with a spoon.

Ian looked at him satisfied, he knew when Alan turned to him with sweet eyes, that his bad and cold day would get better in a few moments.

"Hi." 

"Something smells good." 

He pushed his hands away from the door and walked over to the man who had returned to pay attention to whatever he was preparing, reached out and wrapped his arms around Alan's waist, his head lowered to rest against the hollow between his shoulder and the neck. 

He took a deep breath. "You smell good."

Alan's laughter spread in many small vibrations along the length of his chest, the man leaned against his touch, the side of his head dangling against Ian's ear. 

"You smell of - what should you smell like?" 

"Please don't remind me."

The talk was left to itself as Ian left kisses on Alan's skin, snaking down his neck to his cheek. "Hi," he muttered his lips brushing his cheek. Even that time Alan leaned on his touch before turning his head and brushing his nose with that of the taller man, who quickly involved him in a gentle kiss, barely there, smiled.

Ian slipped his right hand down until it reached one of Alan's hands, picked it up and lifted it up to his lips which he placed diligently on each knuckle, supporting the satisfied gaze of the man, at whose sight the chest of Ian flourished with something akin to worship.

"What are you cooking anyway?" he asked him, dropping Alan's hand, to be able to squeeze the man's hips with both of his hands.

"Gingerbread cookies," Alan replied, stepping back from the stove, pushing himself against Ian, so that he could adjust the dial knobs on the front.

November 1993: 

As the months went by, Ian realized that he had ended up in a monotonous cycle of actions: he would get up, walk, feed and go back to sleep, and as the days went by he could hear clearly, that perhaps the time would come when the thing crawling under his skin would come out.

He hadn't had to share his living space with another person for a long period of time and knew that the itchy arms, which caused him to scratch it off leaving red marks on his skin, was due to trying to keep mental wheezing suppressed, that the situation was causing him and at that moment he couldn't know if he could ever get used to another presence invading his spaces.

One morning he'd stretched out looking for a bottle of oil placed on a shelf in the kitchen but hadn't found it, only to find that almost every ingredient he'd systematically placed had been swapped out, and nearly had a seizure. panic in the kitchen with Alan in the same room, the next day things had each returned to its rightful place and they had not talked about it. He was the one who put the offer on the table in the first place and let's be clear, he wasn't regretting it, at all, but he underestimated how difficult it would be for him to no longer have autonomy based on loneliness.

Things had to get worse in order to improve. He had spent every night of the first week Alan had moved, leaning against the keyboard with one hand pressed against the duvet to have a firm grip on reality and his gaze on the helpless figure of the man with whom he shared the bed, fear that something could happen had taken root in his mind and he had felt compelled to  
stay lucid to watch over both. He didn't know if Alan had noticed and if he had, he hadn't said anything about it. Ian was determined to believe that he would succeed in his intent on him for a while longer, until he was calm enough that nothing could happen to Alan, but his body seemed not to be on his side. Almost two weeks had passed since Alan's move, they had gone out to dinner with Ellie, who had taken the first available flight when she found out she no longer lived in the same city as her longtime friend, when Ian realized something was wrong.

There was a background hum in his eardrums, which did not allow him to be able to correctly distinguish the exchange of arguments that was taking place, his vision was beginning to blur and he knew it was not due to the state of his glasses, he had already cleaned them three times from non-existent stains.

He had tried to continue pretending to be integrated into the conversation, but when he realized he was not receiving much success he had decided that the only option he had left was to go to the bathroom to wash his face, from that day on. isolating the water had given him a certain anxiety that worked almost like an electric goad, not a nice comparison but effective. He slipped his arm off Alan's shoulders and announced his departure, his letters mingled with each other and he wasn't sure what he'd said to deserve a confused look from both occupants of the table. He realized at the very moment he had to rely on his wobbly legs to keep himself upright, that getting up had been a bad idea, he sighed when he couldn't find a foothold he was trying to cling to, his body dropped towards low against the cold floor, and then everything went dark. He wasn't sure of the exact amount of time he had been unconscious, but he had started to hear distant voices and hands feeling him.

"The EMTs are coming." Alan said softly near his ear and Ian groaned in annoyance.

"No. You didn't call an ambulance, right? Right?" 

"You passed out Ian."

"I know, thanks Alan." he couldn't hold back the note of shame he felt in his voice.

"Well, what were we supposed to do? Leave you on the floor? 'Oh, no, he's fine, we'll leave him there, he's fine, this always happens'"  
Ian thought Alan's tone sounded a little hysterical, which made him smile, he wasn't sure why "We had no idea what was going on, it could have been serious! It could still be!" he added finally, frowning.

The familiar figure of Ellie entered her field of vision with one hand reaching out to him, intent on offering him a glass of water which she gratefully accepted as she sat up. She closed her eyes and the moment she tried to get up, her figure staggered before Alan's arms slipped around her waist, she couldn't help but sigh and lean on her grip as fatigue made its way In him.

"Ian, sit down." the man whispered in his ear as he led him down "What was it? Your leg? Is it hurting you? Is there something wrong?" 

"No Alan, I'm really fine-"

He heard Ellie's voice for the first time since he was pathetically passed out "You're not okay, we wouldn't be down here if you were." 

"I was tired-"

"You were tired..." again the suspicious voice of his friend.

"Yup."

No one asked any more questions until, in the hospital gathered in Ian's room, it was time to interact with the doctor who had checked the man.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing's wrong. Mr. Malcolm just needs to rest properly."

All eyes shifted to the man connected to the drips with which they were restoring the mineral salts.

"Rest?"

Before the doctor could answer Ian interrupted him "I may, perhaps, not have slept for a few days-" he received a curt look "-okay, maybe not a few days, more like a few weeks, but i'm fine i p-" 

Ian noticed the exact moment in which Alan had stopped listening and an expression of sudden realization had made its way into his face, his eyes had widened and his gaze had shifted to Ian's figure looking at him as if he were seeing him for the first time.

That was the moment, Ian realized, when things had begun to change. He did not know what Alan had thought that day in the hospital, but Alan himself had changed, he seemed to have detached himself from that almost sense of unreality in which he seemed to be stuck and this he understood the next evening, when they were both in bed.

"Ian?"

"Yes?"

"You're a jerk."

"Oh, am i?" it actually made him giggle.

"You don't have to do this. I don't know what's stopping you from sleeping, but you have to tell me right now. " 

"I already told you I'm fine."

"Stop that." Alan looked angry and he was too tired to fight, she sighed.

"I was just making sure nothing happened to you, I was scared, I wanted-" he rubbed his eyes with his fingers to avoid looking at Alan who was slowly approaching him "- I don't know what I wanted to do, but I had to check that you were still here with me."

He looked to his right as one hand landed on his chest and another on his shoulder, fingers gripping and pulling the fabric down, he followed the suggestion and lay down with his head against the pillow as Alan's body fell. pressed against it, her head resting on his chest.

"You can't do that, I- I appreciate, but you need to sleep. I won't go, if I wake up I'll stay here and when you wake up you'll find me right next to you."

Ian felt he could breathe again, slipped his arm under Alan's body so that he could wrap him around the man's waist, squeeze the flesh he could feel under the light mesh fabric and pull him against him so as to being able to make sure his grip didn't escape.

"If you have a nightmare, feel bad, can't sleep or whatever, wake me up?"

"I will do it."

"No, you have to promise, whatever you ac-" 

"Ian I promise."

There was a moment of silence when Alan thought Ian wanted to keep arguing, so he leaned up and pressed his lips against the man's cheek for a few seconds.

"Good night?"

"Good night." 

February 1994:

Life, Ian realized, seemed to be so much easier when you could fall asleep without a constant voice whispering to you, that everything would get out of hand the moment he closed his eyes. There were nights, when Alan sobbed and trembled against his chest, when Ian cursed whoever was listening for bringing so much suffering along their path, but then there were nights when they both slept and in the morning it seemed that the world was on their side. 

Each morning he woke up surrounded by a comforting warmth, tried and failed miserably, to reposition his limbs so that he could rub the cold tip of his nose against Alan's neck without the man waking up, pressed against the warm body until until Alan extricated himself from the limb cage so he could get up, and Ian would complain about how much the man didn't care about him and how rude it was to leave him in the cold.

Alan asked him the exact same question three mornings a week: "How do you want your eggs?"

Ian couldn't figure out how the man survived by eating that disgusting stuff he dared to call food, which was why he only allowed him to make breakfast three times, a compromise that made Alan happy, but cost him his stomach. . One of the first mornings that Alan had cooked for him, Ian had forced himself to continue chewing and swallowing as much food as he could and white-faced complimented the other, before running towards the bathroom where he had vomited up to when his stomach had not refused. It goes without saying that Alan hadn't spoken to him until the next day. Ian did not think that the man's cooking skills could ever improve, despite this he continued to allow him to prepare breakfast, but then one morning he tasted the famous eggs that the other continued to persist in preparing and he almost cried, they were good . He looked up and met Alan's eyes with a surprised smile on his face.

"Yes?" Alan had asked hopefully as he did every time he cooked. 

"God, Alan yes!" Alan had given him the most genuinely happy and satisfied smile he had ever seen. 

Ian had kept talking to every colleague he'd met that day about how good the eggs Alan had cooked that morning were.

March 1994:

Alan had contacted a publishing house that had shown interest in promoting and selling the book that the man had started to write, whose subject would remain, at least for Ian, secret until the moment of publication, and from that moment it had been months and Ian found that he didn't like the way Alan coped with stress, he bought furniture.

The problem wasn't that Ian's house had filled up with furniture he didn't know how to use, it was the simple fact that Alan had trouble assembling and that meant Ian had to take the lead, every single time. He didn't understand why the man did it, he had talked about it with a pretty good argument, the whole thing stopped being relaxing if you didn't know how to do it.

"Fuck it!" Alan exploded from his position on the floor. Ian looked up from the computer in agitation to staring at the scene of Alan kicking one of the pieces of wood that were supposed to make up the, was it a bookcase the man had bought? Or maybe it was last week's bedside table? lifting the hand that held the screwdriver with all intention of throwing it.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Ian snapped quickly reaching out from his seat on the sofa to grab Alan's hand preventing him from throwing the tool, he sighed and sat next to him on the floor "Alan you have to relax."

The man turned to look with dilated nostrils and a withering gaze "I will not let this - this disgrace of a piece of furniture defeat me."

Ian couldn't hide his laughter, but did his best at the sight of the other's whipped gaze "Maybe if you would let me j-"

"I've already tried-"

"Alan, just leave me t-"

"Good!" Alan screamed and pushed the screwdriver against Ian's chest, eyes narrowed to two slits "If you think you can do it, do it. Go ahead Ian, fix it."

Ian let his hand slide against Alan's back "Look, why don't you hold it while I turn the screws?"

"Tedious" was what Alan muttered, but he still reached out to join two pieces of wood. Ian hated DIY. 

June 1993, 7:30 AM:

It took months before Ian realized that, for the first time in years of loneliness, he was happy and thought that the man, the object of his renewed appreciation for life, was happy too; then he had found the newspaper clippings.

Ian had always had a particular attention to detail and would not have tolerated a library compartment being entirely occupied by what he considered to be recycled paper. He had reached out to pick up the 'garbage' and was heading for the bin when a cutout had slipped away, whereupon he had to place the one he had in his hands on the kitchen table and when he bent down to pick up the lost piece along the way, his eyes had been able to focus on the printed words.

He had stood up, completely forgetting why he had crouched in the first place, and had begun to dig through the various clippings, each of which read the same wording in different forms: 'Apartment for sale'. Alan wanted to leave. 

"I wasn't hiding them."

Ian gasped and turned in the direction his voice was coming from, letting his body relax as he recognized Alan's familiar figure. 

"I didn't say that."

Alan took a few steps in his direction and Ian had to look down to pretend to examine what he had in his hands.

"But you thought it." 

As two legs filled his field of vision, Ian shook his head meeting the other man's eyes. 

"Maybe-" the tone of his voice which seemed to be so melancholy made him frown and a sudden anger previously replaced by dismay made its way into him "- not that you are required to inform me of anything, after all what we are we?"

"Ian-" 

He raised a finger in an obvious warning to be quiet, went around the man and took a few steps away to position himself in the center of the room.

"I spek -" he took another step back "- I don't think things have ever been clear between us. I didn't let you live here for an act of charity or whatever, I let you live here, because you needed it. help and why I liked you so much that I didn't think about how it might feel to have someone around constantly. "

"Ian-"

"No! No-" maybe he should have quieted down and had that conversation at another time "-at first I thought I was going crazy, but one day I looked around and thought" wow ", that's what I missed all of this Time? It's been months Alan and I should have seen that something was wrong. When people found out that I was living with you, I had to say you were my roommate, because you wanted me to and I thought it was because they weren't people close to us, but then Ellie came here and I realized, you wanted no one to know about us-" a hysterical laugh came out of her lips before he could stop her "-I told myself you weren't ready, I understand, I really do and so I waited, because you were- well that doesn't really matter anymore-" a bitter smile made its way across his face as he finally decided to look at Alan "-I thought I understood, but now you want to leave and everything is clearer to me I don't know if you ever cared about me or me I don't know, but I know one thing, you and I-" he pointed with his finger first at himself and then at the man in front of him "-whatever I thought was between us, it ends here." 

He closed his eyes and waited.

"I see." 

He opened his eyes wide, his hands began to tremble, he clenched his fists, he wasn't like that, he wouldn't hit him, he wouldn't hurt him. He had hoped that Alan tried to dissuade him, he was convinced that the man would reassure him, he would yell at him that none of what he said represented reality, but perhaps he had expected too much. He cleared his throat and decided it would be wise to wall himself up in the bedroom before the tears he was holding back slipped away. He turned and started walking.

"You can sleep on the sofa. Let me know when you take your stuff away." 

No sound. He closed the door behind her and put a hand to his mouth to muffle any sound he made in the next few minutes. The front door slammed.

June 1994, 1:30 AM:

Ian realized he had been lying on the ground for hours, the house was dark and silent when he decided to stop feeling sorry for himself. He had opened the very door he had been slumped against for a while, he had crawled on his numb legs to the sofa, where he sat rubbing his temples with his fingers. He would wait until Alan returned, or at least that had been the original plan until the thought of the man wandering through cold and dark streets hit him so hard that he was wearing a coat and a set of keys to the hand, he had rushed into his car and started driving hoping that, by sheer coincidence, he would have traveled the same route that Alan had done.

'We need to have a conversation about how important it really is to answer phone calls. Please call me back'

'I don't understand why you own a phone if you don't use it. Please call me back'

'You know I recently made an interesting discovery, phones are useless, after tonight I will never use one again, you know I'm not lying.'

'If you've ever listened to the messages, I know you're making that angry face of yours and maybe yes, sometimes I lie, maybe more as I often lie, and I may have lied about using phones, but am I digressing? It doesn't matter, the point is, call me back '

'My mind is starting to head to dark places, I need to know you didn't die in some sinister alley, call me back-'

'My battery is dying and I don't know when I can contact - can you call back? It's my last message ' 

He would not have come home if the manhunt had not ended with exciting results, was what he told himself hours ago when he left his apartment and had supported that idea when his mood was still high, but at that moment still. by the side of the road, heavy eyelids, snow covering the car windows, nerves poised to snap as he tried to think where Alan might have gone, his good intentions were quickly dwindling. 

A small voice was whispering to him that maybe the man had returned to the apartment, or in rapid descent, that perhaps he was lying on the ground in hypothermia, he threw away the second thought and decided he would go home, it was worth trying to check, this had happened twenty minutes ago. Ian hesitated before pushing the front door, the apartment was in a gloomy darkness, he listened to hear any sound, but nothing came, he sighed and crawled outside sliding down until he could sit on the cold steps at the entrance, he closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands, ignoring the door still open behind him. Snowflakes had begun to settle on his silhouette, and Ian realized that he had been fooled by the heating in his car and that the temperature outside was actually lower than he had expected as he sat in the heat, he hoped. that Alan had covered himself before he lef-

A pressure on his shoulder made him wince "-what the fuck" he composed himself and hurried to get up, making sure to plant his feet firmly on the ground to avoid slipping on the layer of snow that had settled.

"Ian?"

His eyes widened comically, he was almost tempted to rub the glass of his glasses against the shirt he was wearing, to make sure that something hadn't affected his vision and that the figure standing in front of him really belonged to the person he was thinking about. . With his eyes he checked, without trying to hide it, the man who seemed to have the features of Alan, smiled at the sight of his hair in disorder and the red mark, which seemed to be the fold of a pillow, drawn on his right cheek, but he had to frown her expression when he noticed the man's bare feet resting on one of the snow-covered steps.

He decided to forget the previous events for a moment, his only boring overriding goal, to avoid disease.

He paid no attention to the confused expression that Alan, who seemed to be sleepy, showed when, without saying a single word, Ian crossed the steps that separated them, bent his knees, encircled the man's thighs and lifted him, which led to a totally masculine cry and absolutely not undignified ocoe from Alan, who clung to his shoulders to avoid slipping away. He crossed the threshold of the door and took a moment to make sure he did not accidentally injure the load on the way, clearly indignant, in his arms, hit the wooden frame with his foot and heard the recognizable thud of the lock behind him. 

"Put me down-"

"Not a word."

What surprised him was the fact that Alan remained silent and a glance at his jaw set in a straight line made him realize how much he was trying to hold back an answer by gritting his teeth. He bent down to allow Alan to reach the floor and as he did so he tried as discreetly as possible, to check if there was any damage on the body of the man in front of him, he found none.

"Where have you been?"

"None of your business, I think."

"Do you think? I've been looking for you for hours, you should have told me where-"

"I didn't know I needed your permission."

He gritted his teeth and took a step forward, his fingers closing in a tight grip, ready to deliver a snappy response. He seemed to realize too late what he must look like on the outside, from the look Alan was wearing at the moment and he didn't like the feeling he got when he saw him back away, his arms crossed and his eyes fixed on the hand he was holding closed. a fist. He released the tension that was previously straining his body, raised both arms to show the palms of both hands and put some distance between him and Alan:

"It's not like that-" he ran a hand over his face, rubbing his tired eyes with two fingers "-I wouldn't, I would never hit you." 

Alan was still watching his movements with wary eyes. 

"You know this, right?"

He noticed how Alan's shoulders relaxed from their stiff posture and how he exhaled deeply before taking a step in his direction. 

"Don't be stupid, of course I know."

"Good."

He didn't like how the man hesitated before answering. He waved a hand and walked towards the kitchen with the intent of making a cup of whatever he could stop the constant tremor that shook his hands. With his vision obscured by the dense darkness in which the kitchen was immersed, he groped for the metal surface of the kettle and when he found it he could fill it with water, light one of the flames and place it above it waiting for the sound that would reported that he could use its content. He leaned his forehead against one of the wooden cabinets above the stove as he tried not to react to the sound of footsteps behind him.

"They weren't for me."

Ian frowned at the sentence totally out of context and at another time he would have emphasized this factor, but now was not the right time.

"What?"

"The flyers."

Ian pulled away from his position and turned to look at the silhouette of Alan, whose main features he could barely make out.

"What?" His eyes widened and he couldn't help but stammer as he tried to compose the next sentence.

"My father is looking for an apartment and I'm helping him with his research." 

Shit.

"Oh-"

"Yes."

"So you're not leaving?"

"I wasn't."

It was Ian who took a step forward that time. 

"I thought you were gone."

"I couldn't stay here anymore.."

"You haven't returned my calls."

"I forgot my phone. I haven't been away for long, I was suffocating, I just needed air-"

Ian thought about the red cheek and pajama bottoms "I'm sorry I woke you up."

Alan's expression changed to mock dismay "What give it away?"

Ian smiled and pointed at him "Oh I don't know, you were so good at camouflaging it."

Alan walked over to him until he was able to put their hands together and bring them to his face "-I said It to Ellie."

"Alan-" a soft look made its way across Ian's face "-you shouldn't have done that."

"But I wanted-" the taller man felt a puff of air against his right palm "-this is not safe ground for me, I'm not good at it, but I thought you understood."

"Got what?"

"I love you, Ian." His heart skipped a beat and suddenly he no longer felt so reluctant towards hospitals.

"You-" he shook his head trying to focus his thoughts "-you, do you love me?"

"Mh."

"Oh." 

Alan's eyebrows arched upward in an act of curiosity and sudden uncertainty. He wouldn't want to be wrong, but Ian seemed nervous, Ian was never nervous, unless he was about to bleed to death, but that's another story. 

"I-" the whistle of the kettle made them both jump and Ian was the one who reached out to the stove, with the fingers of one hand he turned the handle that made the flame burn out, while with the other he was still holding Alan's hand, on which he balanced himself as he stretched to return to his previous position.

"You're not just saying it for-" he knew what he could say, but his brain didn't seem to be cooperative "-all?"

"No."

It seemed that that had made him take a step back from Ian, who tired of the cold he felt when Alan was not touching him, hastened to cancel the space created between them, with one hand he grabbed the fabric of the man's shirt while resting the other against her hot, flushed cheek.

"I was checking."

Before Alan could roll his eyes and walk away at what he considered an exasperating number in a single day, Ian leaned his face down so that he could press his lips against those of the man in front of him, who inhaled violently. and reached with his hands, which he had dropped against his hips, the body of the taller man, finding a grip on Ian's neck. They both moved towards the kitchen counter, directed by the force Alan was exerting on Ian's hips where he had slipped his hands, while his fingers were busy trying to open the button that was holding the man's dark pants in place.

"Wait-" Alan froze and leaned back "-the water will cool down."

"Are you serious?"

"No, sorry, a stupid thought, let's go-"

Alan knelt down and felt a hand tighten his hair as his fingers lowered Ian's boxers, just enough to allow him to release the pressure the elastic exerted on his cock, which at that moment touched his wide open lips to accommodate every inch of that length- "Wait! Stop a moment-" Alan, mouth wide open, looked up to get a view of Ian's face, red cheeks and dilated eyes "I love you."

Alan rolled his eyes and let his lips close arou del the first few inches of that warm, throbbing organ. When he felt it hit the back of his throat, he closed his eyes and muttered some sort of response that made her grip tighten on his hair. Ian didn't speak anymore.

July 1994:

Ian had prayed for the ringing of the bell, which signaled lunchtime, for what seemed to have been endless hours and it hadn't been an unexpected event when his prayers were finally answered. The same thing could not be said for the sight of a familiar face moving towards the desk among the crowd of students leaving the classroom, that was certainly unexpected. Ian saw as several heads turn to look at the newcomer and his adorable lunch box, pushed his hands away from the wooden surface.

"God, my day just got better."

He spread his arms and allowed Alan and his lunch box to slip against Ian's chest "Are you talking to me or lunch?"

He rested his chin on the man's head, as he felt him try to push his hands against his chest to get away, Ian laughed and tightened his grip "If I told you I would blow my mysterious air."

"Ah, was that what you were trying to do all along?"

"What an asshole. Do you want to see my office?"

"No."

"Oh?" Ian loosened his grip and left Alan free to step back, which the man did, so he could look at the confused face Ian was showing at the time.

"Why would you want an 'asshole' in your office?"

"Really?"

"Mh."

Another laugh rang out in the empty room. Ian bent to the height of the shorter man and with two fingers, with which he had reached the face of the other, he squeezed both cheeks in a soft grip. He had anticipated the bewildered look he would receive, just as he knew he could hold on to that situation for a few more seconds, before Alan decided it wasn't worth putting up with this kind of 'humiliation' just to please him.

"Get those hands off my face."

Ian was surprised that the silence had lasted for a long time, ten seconds.

"What hands?" he tightened his grip and began to stretch the skin in different directions. He had secured a front row seat for the show that was Alan's face, which was why he was able to catch the jerky twitch of the eyelid, which anticipated the end of the fun.

Alan grabbed both wrists between his fingers, squeezed until Ian let out a painful moan and was forced, by major causes, to let go. Alan's cheeks had taken on a red hue where Ian's fingers had been before, and he found himself sighing happily and reaching out a hand, which this time was promptly slapped away.

"Adorable."

"Cut it out." Ian thought that if he smiled more, his face would tear into millions of little bits.

"I cannot believe it." Alan said and stroking his right cheek with one hand he turned around, walked up to the stairs which he began to climb without turning to check if Ian was following him.

"What?"

"That I can still bear your antics."

"Mh-" Ian wasn't really paying attention to the words, his attention was focused somewhere along the line of the swelling that Alan's adorable bum formed in those equally adorable pants, no one could blame him.

"Dr. Malcolm, stop looking at my ass and go up these stairs." Caught. Ian reached for the bag, with the related documents, which he had placed on the desk and as quickly as he could move, he hurried to reach the door through which Alan had just disappeared.

"What's this?"

Ian looked up from the pepper omelette he was about to skewer with a fork, found himself looking at Alan who, with a look he could not categorize, was holding up in one hand the only frame he had in his office.

"A frame."

"I see. Why is that here?"

Ian waved his fork, on which a piece of omelette was hanging, to point to the four walls of the room and then raised it to his lips in satisfaction.

"Because this is my office Alan." Ian's mouth was full as he spoke, knowing how much it would annoy the man sitting in the chair next to him.

"I see this too. Where did you get the photo in the first place?"

The picture in question was a shot of Alan that Ian had taken months ago: he was wearing the only sweater Ian himself owned, the hood raised over his head and his hands covered with sleeves that were far too long for him. Alan was dozing on his lap, his head curled up against his chest, so in the photo you could also see half of Ian's arm, with which he was taking the photo, and almost all of Ian's face, bent down to make sure that the shot did not disturb the sleeping man.

"I don't remember ever owning that sweatshirt."

Ian, who had shrugged his shoulders at the previous question, nearly choked while wide-eyed tried to swallow the piece he had chewed. He turned his body towards Alan and brought his face close to that of the man. 

"Strange, since it's my sweatshirt you steal every time. Your memory is wavering, we should have you checked."

Alan's eyebrows cracked down and his nose curled into a lovely crease.

"I didn't steal it, our dresses will have mixed up in the washing machine."

Ian pointed at the photo "It literally says 'Texas University' right there"

Alan looked at him "I didn't notice." he casually said, pretending to be busy looking at the photograph.

"You didn't notice." Ian repeated and Alan gave him a look that challenged him to question him, clearly dropped the subject. 

September 14, 1994: 

"I'm just saying maybe we should do something?" Ian said demonstrating a small run that canceled the distance that Alan's hasty legs had put between them.

"I don't remember we did anything for your birthday."

"It's completely different."

Alan slowed his pace as they reached the area where his assistant and some team members were working on a fossil "How would that be?"

Ian put his hands on his hips "I have initiative, to begin with." 

Alan put a hand on his chest to keep him away from the edge of the excavation, then turned and started down the ladder "I would appreciate if you and your initiative stayed out of the excavation."

"You're crazy if you think I would have gone down that hole." 

"Take a break, in twenty minutes I want you back here." Alan mumbled to the team about him, a moment later everyone had dropped their tools ready to climb up the ladder.

The last to go up was Alan's assistant "Dr. Malcolm."

"Ben."

"You knows this Is not my name."

Ian pretended to be thoughtful "Sorry Bobby, I was distracted."

The boy inhaled air and without saying another word walked away throwing him a furious look, 'asshole' felt being directed at him from a distance.

"Why are you doing it?" 

Ian looked back at Alan "Do what?"

"You keep calling him the wrong name when I know you know his name."

He raised his hands in defense even though the man turned from behind could not see him "Would I ever do such a thing?"

"It's something I know for sure you would do, but I wonder why?"

Alan bending down to scrupulously observe his discovery, it was a sight Ian would never get used to, you see it once and you understand that you can no longer live without witnessing such a scene.

"How can somebody as clever as you be so stupid?"

Alan stopped working to turn to look at him with his head up and a hand over his eyes to protect himself from the sun, a look addressed to him that made him understand that he would have to explain instantly.

"He looks at you strangely."

Alan made a confused face "No, he doesn't."

"I'm not blind and he does it right in front of my eyes."

"He's a kid, you can't be serious."

"That's not the point."

"I never thought you were the jealous type."

"Jealous? Should I be jealous of a boy not even remotely charming, insignificant and untalented? What exactly am I supposed to be jealous of?"

He tried not to pass out right there when a smile broke on Alan's face and a low laugh came from his lips. Footsteps coming from the back of his shoulders made Ian turn to check who they belonged to, he saw the team a new team, headed by the annoying boy he wasn't jealous of, heading in their direction.

"You're about to get better company than mine, so I'm going back to the trailer." Ian said, putting a hand on her thigh to try to calm the pain in his nerves.

Even from the several meters that separated them he could see Alan's amused expression change to a serious "Is something wrong?"

Ian waved a hand "Don't give me that look, I've been up too long, I just need to sit down."

Alan's gaze didn't seem to relax me "See you later?"

"I'll wait for you for lunch."

Ian turned and tried to ignore how tight his thigh nerves were pulling, he wasn't going to humiliate himself by limping to the trailer, in front of the boy he was trying to belittle. He smirked in preparation for when the group would be close enough to hear him:

"Good work Bertie."

Alan didn't show up for their lunch date, so Ian went looking for him and found him he must have left him an hour ago, he didn't ask him to take a break, he turned and walked back. Eating alone wasn't what he had expected from the day, but he knew even if he pushed Alan to have lunch with him, the man would be in a bad mood for interrupting him during his work, he could take care of himself, he thought.

Finding a cake in a small town a few miles from the excavation was a tougher task than Ian had imagined. The initial idea had been to bake a cake for in their kitchen, but Alan's book had brought the man some contact with people who were willing to finance his work, so he had collected his things two days before his birthday and had left with Ian in tow, who still hadn't quite realized what he was getting into. He had managed to return to the set up camp after two whole hours, the sun had gone down and passing by people who were still busy with their tasks, he wondered if Alan was one of them, sighed and opened the door of the trailer entering before another breath of wind could hit him.

"You are here."

Alan who was almost covered entirely from the fridge door, she jerked her head in the direction of Ian's voice.

"I'm back now, I just had to take a shower. We found out something and I can't wait until tomorrow p-" he got up from the floor and closed the refrigerator door when he noticed the package Ian was holding "-What's in your hand?"

Ian looked at the white container he was holding, no longer so sure of his role there. He had thought that going would make Alan think that he was not alone in that undertaking, that he supported him, but perhaps he already knew and should have stayed home.

"A cake." he said he moving towards the table where he set the box down.

"A cake?" Alan repeated.

"Yup."

"For me?"

Ian looked at him as if suddenly a second head had sprung up "No, it's for Benjamin there, I knew today was his birthday too. Alan, of course it's for you."

Alan kept looking at him with his eyes fixed somewhere in the middle of his forehead.

"You get me a cake..."

"Yes?"

Alan bowed his head down, filled the gap between them and pressed his forehead against Ian's chest, to lean his weight against that of the taller man, all under Ian's questioning gaze as he raised his arms and surrounded the smaller body of the paleontologist.

"I told you I didn't want you to do anything and you bought me a cake."

Ian slid his hand along the length of Alan's back in a reassuring motion "Persistent, it's me."

Alan snorted "Yeah."

"Maybe you should go and finish-"

Alan looked up "I can wait until tomorrow."

Ian smiled and so did Alan. 

September 1994: 

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit."

Alan who was in the bedroom at the time, hooking the buttons of the white shirt he was supposed to be wearing that evening to Ellie's wedding rehearsal dinner, tipped his eyebrows down at the curses coming from the living room, but then that was Ian , she would call him if something happened.

"Bloody hell. I'm fucked."

Alan gave up his assignment, relaxed his shoulders and took his first steps in what seemed to him the direction from which the mathematician's voice was coming. To welcome him in the largest room in the house, there was Ian in his black suit, slumped against the sofa with his head in his hands, a newspaper left on the floor beside his right leg folded against his chest, the left stretched limply.

"Ian, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I'm sorry."

Alan decided this was the right time to get close to Ian's shaking figure. Once around the couch, she knelt in front of him, placed one hand on her raised knee, while using the other to remove her hands from Ian's face: her eyes were red, almost as if she needed to cry but not had it done.

"Honey, tell me what's wrong."

Ian sniffed at him and reached out to take the newspaper, which was previously on the floor, before handing it to Alan and back against the sofa, her head turned to the side to avoid his gaze. He looked down to read that newspaper and get a clear view of what had upset the mathematician: a picture.

The photo in question had been taken from a fairly questionable distance, perhaps a hundred meters, the subjects portrayed were two people holding hands as they walked, with one arm of the taller silhouette casually thrown around the shoulders of the shorter figure. The quality was poor and it was obviously black and white, so he wouldn't have given a second glance if he wasn't asked, but when he did he blinked several times to try to figure out if what he was seeing was true, but then , given Ian's reaction, it had to be.

"We have a problem and I think I'll cut off half of your legs-" he tried to lift at least one of the two corners of his lips to show a reassuring smile to Ian, who had turned his head and was looking at him with wide eyes and a look question "-I didn't realize you looked so low next to you."

Ian was still giving him a confused and 'frightened' look, while with one hand of his he was rubbing his eyes alternately, to prevent the tears he was trying to hold back from running free and ruining his shirt. Alan felt he could let go of the tension he had built up in his stiff shoulders when he saw Ian's expression change to an amused one and a hint of white teeth showing between his now pulled up lips.

"Did you just makes a joke? You never makes jokes."

"Don't make a big deal out of it, sometimes I make jokes."

"Sometimes?"

Alan replied with a shrug.

Ian shook his head and stared at the floor "They'll fire me."

"They won't."

"Why? Because i'm funny?"

"Maybe."

"How nice to know."

"Nobody will fire you."

"Because i'm the most brilliant mathematician of our time?"

"I would never do anything that could fuel your ego if it wasn't strictly necessary, but yes, you are."

"What about your book? Your backers?"

Alan blinked in rapid succession and then rubbed his hand on Ian's thigh, he could feel the tight skin of the scar under the fabric of his pants.

"We'll worry about it if they retire."

"So you're not angry?"

"Yes, I am-" the hopeful expression on Ian's face fell "-but not with you."

"Oh, so you're not freaking out? You're not leaving?"

"If you think that whenever something happens I can leave, I am clearly doing something wrong here."

"Sooner or later everyone leaves..." 

Alan sighed "I'll tell you what, if I stay in this position for another minute, I don't think I'll ever go anywhere again, my knees are killing me."

Ian smiled and the bewildered expression returned "Alan! I don't know if you've regained your long-lost humor, or if you're brutally blunt."

"Who knows." 

A week later they were both at the open bar at the grand ceremony where they had been more involved than they had wanted to be. Alan ended up being the best man for the bride, (I don't know if it can be done, but who cares) and after what seemed like hours of endless monologues by the priest who was officiating the ceremony, they finally left the burning oven in which he was transformed the church.

"I need a drink." 

Alan and Ian were walking distanced from the other guests, on the edge of a huge garden that would lead to the entrance of the room where the second part of the day would take place.

"I didn't think my company led to this."

"Shut up, I hate weddings."

Ian put his arm around Alan's shoulders and leaned against him "You're a bummer."

The paleontologist raised his head to look at the man above him "How can you be so cheerful? You got married, what, twice?"

"Don't be silly, three times."

"Exactly."

They had almost reached the entrance when Ian walked around Alan and faced him to stop his pace "I love weddings."

"I'm happy for you, now we can-" he gestured to the entrance with a wave of his hand.

"I like weddings because I like seeing people happy and you are ruining the whole experience."

"How very sorry i'm, are we going in now?"

"Can you try to have fun? For me?"

Alan sighed and looked away from Ian's smiling eyes, damn it. He moved to the side so that he could pass the taller man who had been watching him, before crossing the entrance he just turned his face, his lips raised up, and held out a hand: 

"You're coming? " 

Ian smiled, reached over and laced their fingers. They walked through the entrance and catapulted into what was to be a long evening.

"Alan! Ian!"

Both men turned attracted by their names screamed with little control, but it was Alan who first found himself overwhelmed by white tulle, held in Ellie's arms, the whole exchange lasted less than a few seconds before the woman passed to the man next to him.

Ian chuckled "Heard congratulations are in order."

"How did you know?"

Ian had his mouth open ready to answer, but Alan preceded him "Frankly? It could have been the two hour ceremony, but maybe I'm wrong."

Ellie laughed and the new husband turned at the sound, apparently headed in their direction.

"Husband on the way." Ian nodded.

"I'm glad you made it, apparently, we couldn't have started without you, Alan."

Alan smiled politely before reaching out "Congratulations-" he almost widened his eyes when he realized he couldn't remember the name of the new husband of his friend.

"Mark-" Ian nearly yelled at the missing part as he squeezed the man's hand vigorously "Congratulations, Mark."

The husband, Mark, did not seem to have noticed the strange occurrence and greeted them happily before going to greet the other guests alongside his wife. Ian kept his gaze fixed on the man until he was sure he was out of reach and was finally able to let go of the loud laugh he had been holding back, receiving a curt look from the paleontologist.

Alan stood in front of Ian and tapped a finger against his chest "Not. One. Word."

Ian took two glasses of sparkling wine from a waiter who passed them and handed him one "I've got your back."

The shorter man folded his arms against his chest with a glint of mischief in his eyes, watched closely as Ian brought the glass to his lips and waited for him to drink before stepping back with a wicked smile on his face, and speaking:

"I think I'll let you choose the flower arrangement for our wedding."

He could witness the hilarity of the situation the very moment Ian understood what he had been told, his eyes widened and a blush colored his cheeks, the alcohol took the wrong channel in his throat and the man started coughing as if trying to chase the feeling away.

With his throat on fire still trying to choke him Ian remembered what had caused that reaction in the first place "You- you were, y- it was a joke right?"

Alan smiled slyly and turned to go find their seats "Maybe."

November 1994:

Ian frowned at the sound of laughter coming from inside the apartment, made a local mind and remembered that Ellie had arrived in town that morning, put the key in the lock and opened the door and managed to catch a piece of the conversation in progress: 

"That's not all, of course."

"Obviously. That time you almost tripped on the stairs because he bent down to tie his shoes."

Ian snorted, and leaned against the living room wall which gave a clear view of the two.

"I wasn't looking, I was talking."

"Yes with me. To talk to me about the ass of the mathematician that just ten minutes earlier, in a helicopter, you said you hated."

Aw, Jesus. There was no way Alan had shared that with her.

"And you weren't my best friend for that?" the man answered smugly making Ellie laugh.

"He's blushing, look at him. Do you think he can hear us?"

They were both apparently aware of his presence in the room, but drunk enough to think that a few meters could create some sort of isolation from the sound.

"No." she replied "It's just hot in this apartment and she's wearing all those layers."

"He really is that cute."

"He is."

Ian decided this was the time to stop the entere thing.

"Happy hour here, right?" he asked.

"Hi lover, do you come here often?" Alan greeted him and oh-oh, he was more drunk than he expected, they both were. The distraction had lasted long enough to engage the two in a whispered conversation about his biceps.

"Okay, okay, the show is over." he said crossing his arms to the sound of her giggles "I'll take you to bed."

"Did you hear El?" Alan strut "he'll take Me to bed."

"I heard."

Ian refrained from facepalming and approached to extend a hand to the man, happily surprised when Alan accepted it and let himself be pulled to his feet, leaning over and sighing happily when Ian, to keep them both balanced, wrapped his arm around his waist of the shorter man.

"Ellie, you can sleep on the sofa I guess." 

Alan nodded firmly "Yes, you can."

"Did you hear Ian? I can!" cried the woman lying down in the empty space that the man had left in her arms.

"I heard."

Alan sniffed "She has to stay, you can't send her away."

So cute. Ian tried to stay serious as he watched Alan's eyes become clear "Honey, I didn't want to send her away."

Alan seemed to perk up "Are you sure?"

"I am. Goodnight Ellie."

"Goodnight, oh wait-" Ian watched her try to put his ear to her abdomen "-the baby says 'goodnight'" 

This was odd. Alan yelled into his ear "Goodnight, El's baby."

He decided that this was the starting point to leave and let the situation calm down. He tightened the grip he had gained on Alan and dragged them both to the bedroom where he let the man lie down on the mattress before turning to fetch water in the kitchen.

"Don't leave me-" Alan tugged at a sleeve of his shirt to 'stop' him from leaving.

"I'm not leaving you. You'll feel awful if you don't drink water." he explained, bending down to place a kiss on the forehead.

"Oh. Ellie is pregnant."

Ian's eyebrows tilted down and his face took on a thoughtful expression "Is Ellie pregnant?"

Alan nodded before letting go and snuggle into a pillow "You're cute."

Ian laughed "Yes, I heard you say."

Alan sighed apparently satisfied.

"Does Mark know that Ellie is here?" he didn't know how much he could trust his drunk boyfriend's response, but he tried anyway. 

"Who is Mark?" Alan's voice sounded confused.

Ian chuckled and left another kiss on the paleontologist's forehead "No one darling, I'll be right back." 

"Are you sleeping with this Mark? Don't you love me anymore?" he screamed.

Alan had sat up and his expression conveyed a deep anguish, it seemed that he would start crying at any moment and when Ian saw that tears were actually pouring down the man's cheeks, he reached out to wipe them away and take Alan's face in his hands.

"Mark is Ellie's husband, remember?"

The tears kept falling and Alan shook his head looking confused as to the identity of the mysterious 'lover' Ian was apparently cheating on him with.

"So you still love me?"

"Of course. I'll be right back."

Alan offered no resistance and allowed Ian to leave the room, who decided that he would first call Ellie's husband and then bring them both water before they fell asleep.

The phone rang "Hi Mark, I'm Ian-"

"Why did you let me drink?"

This wasn't how Ian had planned to wake up on the first of the two days off he had on weekends. Ian opened only one eye to get used to the sun's rays penetrating through the curtains, rubbed his cheek against the warm skin of Alan's abdomen and took a deep breath, whatever time it was it was too early to get up.

Alan ran his fingers through Ian's hair, "Are you awake?"

Ian snorted "If I tell you no, will you let me sleep?"

"I don't think I will."

"I cannot stand you."

He slowly opened both eyes, blinking them in rapid sequence to prevent them from closing involuntarily, with one hand he grabbed the sheet that covered him over his head and they lifted to lower it to the height of the shoulder blades. Alan's face was waiting for him on the other side of the sheet, he considered the sight to be an adequate reward for his much deserved sleep disturbance.

"Hi."

Alan reached out to adjust the sheet so it wasn't casually thrown "Hi you, I don't understand why you always end up under there."

Ian chuckled and just stood there, rubbing his cheek against the expanse of warm, soft skin it rested on.

"You're cute when you're drunk."

"I imagine."

Ian yawned, gathered his energy to move up "Mhmh" leaned down to press a kiss against Alan's lips and dropped to one side so that the man could follow him and snuggle up against his chest.

"What time is it?"

"Ten o'clock."

Ian complained "Alan, it's early."

"Nope."

"Anyway, why do you want to get up?"

"Ellie already got up an hour ago."

"And? I don't remember inviting her. But I will remember how I must waste my day off of her in her company."

Alan waved in his arms, stroked a hand against his chest to get up to look him in the eye "Ian, you're being a bastard."

"What bad luck."

"So that's it? Is this what you're going to say?"

"I don't know what you want me to sayu."

Alan pushed him away and got out of bed "You know what? I can't argue with you when I have a hangover, when you have a new attitude you know where to find me." he said as he pulled over his head the top of the pajama he had discarded overnight.

"And you, you know where to find me here-" 

Alan slammed the bedroom door behind him, so as not to hear the final part of the sentence that Ian had almost shouted after him, he headed for the kitchen.

"Fuck." Ian whispered to the empty room.

He had gone too far and sleeping didn't make sense if Alan wasn't there with him, not that he would ever go back to sleep after what had just happened. He sighed at the loss of heat he felt when he pushed the sheets aside and stood up, walked over to the chair where he had left the top of his pajamas and tucked it over his head, forgot his glasses on the bedside table, realized as he door it creaked to signal its opening. He walked to the kitchen, that was one of Alan's breakfast days, and when he saw him cook the eggs, without first asking him how he liked them, he felt worse for how he had behaved. A stupid thought, but he almost wanted to scream at the eggs.

"Finally!" Ellie greeted him, sitting in one of the chairs around the modest kitchen table. 

"How can you be so cheerful? Where's the hangover?" Ian tried to sound confused.

"I am a woman, I am better in everything." 

"Whatever."

"I'll go to the bathroom if you don't mind." 

Ellie disappeared through the kitchen door. She walked over to Alan who hadn't even turned to look at him when he walked into the room.

"You're cooking eggs "

He was unnerving, how sorry he felt when Alan gave him the silent side to show him that he needed to fix things. Ian had to give it to him, he had a tenacity that he didn't have, he would not be able to remain silent without expressing his being angry at him for more than ten seconds.

"Yesterday was a bad, really really bad day-" he knew by the way Alan's ears made a weird snap, that he had his attention "-my leg hurt since I got to work, he never quit, I had a long discussion with the rector, about how wrong it was to call your teacher a 'fagot' and think it was okay. Not a good day. I'm not trying to justify myself, but when I apologize and I'm doing it now, I want to back up my thesis with some evidence. "

He waited a few seconds and was finally about to give in to the evidence that he wasn't going to get an answer when Alan said "I'm cooking for Ellie, how do you want your eggs?" 

Ian felt he could smile again.

Christmas 1994:

"Are you baking cookies for exactly how many people?" Ian asked, dipping a finger into his dough and then bringing it to his lips, "It's good."

Alan slapped his hand "We'll take them to Ellie. Get away, you know I hate it when you do it, that's it-"

"Slimy, yes, yes, you say that every time." Ian finished for him. 

"That's why I don't understand why you keep doing it."

Ian put his hands on the hips of the man in front of him and tightened his grip "I have to keep things active in this marriage."

"What marriage? I don't remember you proposed." Alan reached behind him to push against Ian's chest so he could bend over to check the baking of the cookies already in the oven.

"Maybe I'll fix it."

Alan laughed and pointed to a mixing bowl which Ian picked up and handed him "It wouldn't be legal anyway."

"But then I could make jokes about our married life."

"Please no." Alan groaned as he baked another pan of cookies.

"I cannot wait."

"Forget I said anything."

"You are so authoritative."

"Oh, am i?"

"Yup."

"You were haughty the first time we met." 

Which made Ian laugh "Was I?"

"You were." Alan confirmed "But don't worry, the facade started to crack very early and your true personality emerged."

"Asshole, arrogant and irreverent?"

"Fortunately, I like sarcastic men."

Even damaged in body and mind, apparently, but Ian was wise enough not to say it out loud.

"Then I'm the jackpot." he commented at the end, when Alan put in his hands a sac apoche with which he was supposed to decorate the cookies. 

"You really are." 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are at the end of this work.
> 
> I want to congratulate those who made it this far and I'm sorry for those who gave up on the way, you have a world of time, you can always come back here. I would like to thank all the people who have commented and have spent kind words towards me, this has partly determined the continuation of this story. I won't be here writing the names, but you know exactly who you are and I hope you are still here.
> 
> It took me months to write this chapter, but my reasons are valid: since it was the last one, I wanted it to be a happy chapter and every time I wrote I realized it was too sad, so I had to rewrite it countless times.
> 
> I think that in my free hours I will write another story that has been in my head for weeks, I will make a collection if I understand how to do it lol, so for those who are still here, you can easily read, if you want, another of my work.
> 
> See you soon ✨


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